Funny Emails, Funny Cell Phone Forwards, Funny SMS, Funny Quotes, Funny Poems
Funny Emails, Funny Cell Phone Forwards, Funny SMS, Funny Quotes, Funny Poems

This is the True Story

A son says to his father: ‘Dad, would you be willingly to run a
marathon with me?’

The father, despite his age and a heart disease, says ‘YES’.

And they run that marathon, together.

The son asks: ‘Dad, can you run another marathon with me?’ Again
father says ‘YES’.

They run another marathon, together.

One day the son asks his father: ?Dad would please do the Iron Man with me?’

Now just in case you wouldn’t know, ‘The Iron Man’ is the toughest
triathlon in existence; 4km swimming, then 180 km by bike, and finally
another 42 km running, in one stroke.

Again father says ‘YES’

Maybe this doesn’t ‘touch’ you yet by heart … until you see this

movie (put on sound!):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VJMbk9dtpdY

After 17 years of marriage, my wife wanted me to take another woman out to dinner and a movie. She said, ‘I love you, but I know this other woman loves you and would love to spend some time with you.’
* * *
The other woman that my wife wanted me to visit was my MOTHER, who has been alone for 20 years, but the demands of my work and my two boys had made it possible to visit her only occasionally.
* * *
That night I called to invite her to go out for dinner and a movie.
* * *
‘What’s wrong, aren’t you well,’ she asked?
* * *
My mother is the type of woman who suspects that a late night call or a surprise invitation is a sign of bad news.
* * *
‘I thought it would be pleasant to spend some time with you,’ I responded. ‘Just the two of us.’ She thought about it for a moment, and then said, ‘I would like that very much.’
* * *
That Friday after work, as I drove over to pick her up I was a bit nervous. When I arrived at her house, I noticed that she, too, seemed to be nervous about our date. She waited in the door. She had curled her hair and was wearing the dress that she had worn to celebrate her last birthday on November 19th.
* * *
She smiled from a face that was as radiant as an angel’s. ‘I told my friends that I was going to go out with my son, and they were impressed,’ she said, as she got into that new white van. ‘They can’t wait to hear about our date’.
* * *
We went to a restaurant that, although not elegant, was very nice and cozy. My mother took my arm as if she were the First Lady After we sat down, I had to read the menu. Her eyes could only read large print. Half way through the entries, I lifted my eyes and saw Mom sitting there staring at me. A nostalgic smile was on her lips ‘It was I who used to have to read the menu when you were small,’ she said. ‘Then it’s time that you relax and let me return the favor,’ I responded.
* * *
During the dinner, we had an agreeable conversation- -nothing extraordinary but catching up on recent events of each other’s life. We talked so much that we missed the movie.
* * *
As we arrived at her house later, she said,

‘I’ll go out with you again, but only if you let me

invite you.’ I agreed.
* * *
‘How was your dinner date ?’

asked my wife when I got home.
‘Very nice. Much more so than I could have imagined,’
I answered.
* * *
A few days later, my mother died of a massive
heart attack. It happened so suddenly that I didn’t
have a chance to do anything for her.
* * *
Some time later, I received an envelope with a
copy of a restaurant receipt from the same place
mother and I had dined. An attached note said: ‘I
paid this bill in advance. I wasn’t sure that I
could be there; but nevertheless, I paid for two
plates – one for you and the other for your wife.
You will never know what that night meant for me.

I love you, son.’
* * *
At that moment, I understood the importance of
saying in time: ‘I LOVE YOU’ and to give our loved
ones the time that they deserve. Nothing in life is
more important than your family. Give them the time
they deserve, because these things cannot be put off
till ‘some other time.’
* * *
Somebody said it takes about six weeks to get back
to normal after you’ve had a baby…. somebody
doesn’t know that once you’re a mother,
‘normal’ is history.
* * *
Somebody said you learn how to be a mother by
instinct … somebody never took a three-year-old shopping.
* * *
Somebody said being a mother is boring ….
somebody never rode in a car driven by a teenager with a driver’s permit.

Somebody said if you’re a’good’ mother,
your child will ‘turn out good’….
somebody thinks a child comes with
directions and a guarantee.
* * *
Somebody said you don’t need an education to be a
mother…. somebody never helped a fourth grader
with his math..
* * *
Somebody said you can’t love the second child as
much as you love the first …. somebody doesn’t
have two children.
* * *
Somebody said the hardest part of being a mother
is labor and delivery….
somebody never watched her ‘baby’ get on the bus
for the first day of kindergarten ….
or on a plane headed for military ‘boot camp.’
* * *
Somebody said a mother can stop worrying after her
child gets married…..somebody doesn’t know that
marriage adds a new son or daughter-in-law to a
mother’s heartstrings.
* * *
Somebody said a mother’s job is done when

her last child leaves home….

somebody never had grandchildren.
* * *
Somebody said your mother knows you love her, so
you don’t need to tell her….

somebody isn’t a mother.

When we talk about uncertainty in life we generally imply what is coming in the future. In this sense uncertainty is always related to the unknown. But uncertainty can surround the known as well, which always involves the past. Philosophically this has been known from the beginning of civilization. In modern times it has been brought into prominence by science, especially quantum physics where the uncertainty principle became a fundamental characteristic. It led to two far-reaching conclusions. First, the crucial role of the observer in any act of observation; second, the reconciliation of the wave and particle duality of matter.

In simple words, the first conclusion means that what is observed depends on the observer, which implies that the reality of observation is subjective not objective. Putting it in another way there is no objective reality in what we see in the external world. That has been the view of the philosophers since ages past. Whatever we see is simply an apparent manifestation of the ultimate reality. In scientific language we may say that everything we see is a transformation of the cosmic energy or the universal consciousness.

This view is diametrically opposite to the materialistic view that reality is directly related to perception. A thing is real only if it can be seen, touched, or perceived in any other way. It exists independent of whether it is being observed or not; the moon is there even if no one is looking at it. So how does one reconcile these two opposite viewpoints?

The yoga philosophy suggests a way out Everything in the universe changes in discrete steps; to use the language of physics everything including space, time, and matter is quantized. But the changes occur so rapidly that the mind perceives things as continuous. This is analogous to cinematographic projection of distinct pictures in rapid succession. So whatever one is observing is changing every moment and strictly speaking, at each moment it is not the same thing that one observed before.

A distant star that we see now is only what or how it was perhaps a million yeas ago. The same is true for any other object with different time scales. The moon one was looking at a moment ago continues to be there but it is not the same but a changed one, even though the change is not perceptible.

The second conclusion about the duality of matter is more difficult to relate to real life situations. In physics it easier to visualize “looking” into the subatomic world. A subatomic particle like electron or photon can behave both like a wave and a particle. This duality is obviously not perceived in day-to-day life. However, if we look within, we can find it in ourselves. The physical body is a conglomeration of particles, but it is not a complete representation of us. There is also the astral body, which in turn splits into different sheaths; mind and consciousness are parts of it. The mind can go anywhere and in all directions just as a wave does. It can also be made to give a pointed attention and move from one object (thought) to another like a point. Mind is an attribute of consciousness that is a field in the same sense as electromagnetic or gravitational field.

There is another aspect of uncertainty in real life. This arises from doubts about past actions or events. In most cases we cannot be certain that what we did was the right thing to do, or what happened could have been averted. The uncertainty regarding the past arises from thinking of what might have been, but it does affect the present.

THIS IS AN ACTUAL INCIDENT

On the last day before Christmas, I hurried to go to the supermarket to
buy the remaining of the gifts I didn’t manage to buy earlier.
When I saw all the people there, I started to complain to myself:
“It is going to take forever here and I still have so many other
places to go…”
“Christmas really is getting more and more annoying every year. How I
wish I could just lie down, go to sleep and only wake up after it…”

Nonetheless, I made my way to the toy section, and there I started to
curse the prices, wondering if after all kids really play with such
expensive toys.

While looking in the toy section, I noticed a small boy of about 5 years
old, pressing a doll against his chest. He kept on touching the hair of
the
doll and looked so sad. I wondered who this doll was for.

Then the little boy turned to the old woman next to him: ‘Granny, are you
sure I don’t have enough money?’ The old lady replied: ‘You know that you
don’t have enough money to
buy this doll, my dear.’ Then she asked him to stay there for 5 minutes
while she went to look
around. She left quickly. The little boy was still holding the doll in his
hand.

Finally, I started to walk towards him and I asked him who he wanted to
give
this doll to.

‘It is the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for this
Christmas. She was so sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her.’ I
replied to him that maybe Santa Claus will bring it to her after all, and
not to worry. But he replied to me sadly. ‘No, Santa Claus cannot bring it
to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mother so that she
can give it to her when she goes there.’

His eyes were so sad while saying this. ‘My sister has gone to be with
God.
Daddy says that Mummy will also go to see God very soon, so I thought that
she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister.” My heart nearly
stopped. The little boy looked up at me and said: ‘I told daddy to tell
mummy not to go yet. I asked him to wait until I came back from the
supermarket.”

Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He then
told me: ‘I also want mummy to take this photo with her so that she will
not
forget me. I love my mummy and I wish she doesn’t have to leave me but
daddy
says that she has to go to be with my little sister. Then he looked again
at
the doll with sad eyes, very quietly.

I quickly reached for my wallet and took a few notes and said to the boy.
‘What if we checked again, just in case if you have enough money?’ ‘Ok,’
he
said. ‘I hope that I have enough.’ I added some of my money to his without
him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll, and
even some left over.

The little boy said: ‘Thank you God for giving me enough money’, then he
looked at me and
added: ‘I asked yesterday before I went to sleep for God to make sure I
have
enough money to buy this doll so that mummy can give it to my sister. He
heard me. I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my
mummy, but I didn’t dare to ask God too much. But He gave me enough to buy
the doll and the white rose.’ ‘You know, my mummy loves white roses ‘ A
few
minutes later, the old lady came back again and I left with my trolley. I
finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I started. I
couldn’t get the little boy out of my mind.

Then I remembered a local newspaper article 2 days ago, which mentioned of
a
drunk man in a truck who hit a car where there was one young lady and a
little girl. The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a
critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the
life-assisting machine, because the young lady would not be able to get
out
of the coma.

Was this the family of the little boy? Two days after this encounter with
the little boy, I read in the newspaper that the young lady had passed
away.
I couldn’t stop myself and went to buy a bunch of white roses and I went
to
the mortuary where the body of the young woman was exposed for people to
see
and make last wishes before burial. She was there, in her coffin, holding
a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and
the
doll placed over her chest.

I left the place crying, feeling that my life had been changed forever.
The love that this little boy had for his mother and his sister is
still, to this day, hard to imagine. And in a fraction of a second, a
drunk
man had taken all this away from him.

Now you have 2 choices:

1) Share this with everybody that you know.

2) Or close this window and act as if it never touched your heart.

If you spread this message, maybe you will help prevent someone drunk to go
driving.

Thought makes things Possible. Action makes them real.

Thought prepares the way for achievement. Action assembles the achievement together.

Thought gives action a purpose and a plan. Action gives thought substance and commitment.

Action creates raw energy. Thought harnesses and directs that energy to create meaningful results.

Thought can give birth to endless worlds filled with wonder and beauty. Action expresses that beauty right here and now.

Thought and action are stunningly powerful forces. Combine them together, directed toward a common purpose, and truly anything can happen.

The worst thing in life is “ATTACHMENT”, it hurts when you lose it… and the best thing in life is “LONELINESS”, because it teaches you everything.

It’s not enough if you have excellent self control.. it is important you know are you using it for the right reasons?

‘Resisting temptation’ is a good way to use this strength you have — but subjugating your emotions is not.

A nice article for all the testers, Leads and managers.

Scene 1: 
You are picnicking by a river. You notice someone in distress in the water. You jump in and pull the person out. The mayor is nearby and pins a medal on you. You return to your picnic. A few minutes later, you spy a second person in the water. You perform a second rescue and receive a second medal. A few minutes later, a third person, a third rescue, and a third medal. This continues throughout the day.

By sunset, you are weighed down with medals and honors. You are a hero. Of course, somewhere in the back of your mind there is a sneaking suspicion that you should have walked upriver to find out why people were falling in all day. But, then again, that wouldn’t have earned you as many awards.

Scene 2: 
You are sitting at your computer. You find a bug. Your manager is nearby and rewards you. A few minutes later you find a second bug. And so on. By the end of the day, you are weighed down with accolades and stock options. If the thought pops up in your mind that maybe you should help prevent those bugs from getting into the system, you squash it—bug prevention doesn’t have as much personal payoff as bug hunting.

What You Measure Is What You Get
B.F. Skinner told us fifty years ago that rats and people tend to perform those actions for which they are rewarded. It is still true today. In our world, as soon as testers find out that a metric is being used to evaluate them, they strive mightily to improve their performance relative to that metric—even if the resulting actions don’t actually help the project. If your testers find out that you value finding bugs, you will end up with a team of bug-finders. If prevention is not valued, prevention will not be practiced.

For instance, I once knew a team where testers were rewarded solely for the number of bugs they found and not for delivering good products to the customer. As a result, if testers saw a possible ambiguity in the spec, they wouldn’t point it out to the development team. They would quietly sit on that information until the code was delivered to test, and then they would pounce on the code and file bugs galore. The testers were rewarded for finding lots of bugs, but the project suffered deeply from all the late churn and bug-fixing.

That example sounds crazy, but it happened because the bug count metric supported it. On the flip side, I know of a similar project where testers worked collaboratively to deliver a high-quality product. They reviewed the spec and pointed out ambiguities, they helped prevent defects by performing code reviews, and they worked closely with development. As a result, very few bugs were found in the code that was officially delivered to test, and high-quality software was delivered to the customer.

Unfortunately, management was fixated on the bug count metrics found in the testing phase. Because the testers found few bugs during the official test phase, management decided that the developers must have done a great job, and they gave the developers a big bonus. The testing team didn’t get a bonus. How many of those testers do you think supported prevention on the next project?

It’s Not About the Bugs
Software testing is not about finding bugs. It’s about delivering great software. No customer ever said with a straight face, “Wow! You found and fixed 65,000 bugs—that must be really great software!” So, why do many currently use bug counts as a measurement tool? The answer is simple: Bugs are just so darn countable that they are practically irresistible.

They can be counted, tracked, and used for forecasting. And it is tempting to do numerical gymnastics with them, such as dividing them by KLOC (thousand lines of code), plotting their rate over time, or predicting their future rates. But all this ignores the complexities that underlie the bug count. Bugs are a useful barometer of your process, but they can’t tell the whole story. They merely help you ask useful questions.

So What Should We Measure? 
Here are some thoughts:

How many staff hours are devoted to a project? This is a real cost that we care about. How effectively did your whole team (project managers, developers, and testers) go from concept to delivery? Instead of treating these groups as independent teams with clear-cut deliverables to each other, evaluate them as a unit that is moving from concept to code. Encourage the different specialties to work together. Have program management make the spec more crisp. Have development provide testability hooks. Have the test team supply early feedback and testing.

How many bugs did your customer find? What are customers saying about your product? Have you looked through the support calls on your product? What is customer feedback saying to you about your software’s behavior in the field?

How many bugs did you prevent? Are you using code analysis tools to clean up code before it ever gets past compilation? Are you tracking the results?

How effectively did your tests cover the requirements and the code? Coverage metrics can be a useful, though not comprehensive, indicator of how your testing is proceeding.

Finally, a squishy but revealing metric: How many of your own people feel confident about the quality of the product? In some aircraft companies, after the engineers sign off on the project, they all get on the plane for a quick test flight. Assuming that none of your fellow engineers have a death wish, that’s a metric you have to respect! It not only says that you found lots of bugs along the way, but that you are satisfied with the resulting deliverable.

I recently saw an email signature that sums it up: We are what we measure. It’s time we measure what we want to be.

At age 8, your dad buys you an ice cream. You thanked him by
dripping it all over your lap.

When you were 9 years old, he paid for piano lessons. You
thanked him by never even bothering to practice.

When you were 10 years old he drove you all day, from soccer to
football to one birthday party after another. You thanked
him by jumping out of the car and never looking back.

When you were 11 years old, he took you and your friends to
the movies. You thanked him by asking to sit in a different row.

When you were 12 years old, he warned you not to watch
certain TV shows. You thanked him by waiting until he left the house.

When you were 13, he suggested a haircut that was becoming.
You thanked him by telling him he had no taste.

When you were 14, he paid for a month away at summer camp.
You thanked him by forgetting to write a single letter.

When you were 15, he came home from work, looking for a hug.
You thanked him by having your bedroom door locked.

When you were 16, he taught you how to drive his car. You
thanked him by taking it every chance you could.

When you were 17, he was expecting an important call. You
thanked him by being on the phone all night.

When you were 18, he cried at your high school graduation.
You thanked him by staying out partying until dawn.

When you were 19, he paid for your college tuition, drove
you to campus carried your bags. You thanked him by saying good-bye
outside the dorm so you wouldn’t be embarrassed in front of your
friends.

When you were 25, he helped to pay for your wedding, and he
cried and told you how deep he loved you. You thanked him by
moving halfway across the country.

When you were 50, he fell ill and needed you to take care of
him u thanked him by reading about the burden parents become
to their children.

And then, one day, he quietly died. And everything
you never did came crashing down like thunder on YOUR HEART. If
you love your dad, send this to all of ur friends.

FAKE FRIENDS: Never ask for food.
REAL FRIENDS: is the reason you have no food.

FAKE FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr / Mrs
REAL FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD/MOM

FAKE FRIENDS: bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong
REAL FRIENDS: Would sit next to you saying ‘Dawg … we screwed up… but that was fun!’

FAKE FRIENDS: never seen you cry
REAL FRIENDS: cry with you

FAKE FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back
REAL FRIENDS: keep your stuff so long they forget it’s yours

FAKE FRIENDS: know a few things about you
REAL FRIENDS: Could write a book about you with direct quotes from you

FAKE FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing
REAL FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds butt that left you

FAKE FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door
REAL FRIENDS: Walk right in and say ‘I’M HOME!’

FAKE FRIENDS: Are for awhile
REAL FRIENDS: Are for life

FAKE FRIENDS: will talk bad to the person who talks bad about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Will knock the person out that talked bad about you

FAKE FRIENDS: Would ignore this
REAL FRIENDS: Will send this to all their real friends!

[tags]Real friends, fake friends, friendship[/tags]