What’s going on with your boyfriend when you
know he’s got strong feelings for you, but he’s
dragging his feet on committing?
There are specific reasons why a man will make
the conscious decision to commit to a woman – or
not.
Those reasons often have little or NOTHING to do
with:
1) How long you’ve been together
2) What everyone else, including you, thinks he
“should do”
3) How much you’ve “invested” in the relationship
A man will want to commit to you simply because of
the way you make him FEEL.
If he feels that his life will be better with you
in it, than without you, he will want to commit
to you.
But if he’s unsure about the future of your
relationship because of some lingering DOUBTS
in his mind, based on what’s happening or not
happening in your relationship, then you’re
already fighting an uphill battle.
Imagine if you were to slap yourself silly,
then turn to him and cry and freak out and then
blame him for “making you do it.”
And when he responds by saying, “but you
just slapped yourself” you go ahead and get even
more upset, and act even more emotional, and then
wonder, “What did I do to make him doubt our
future together?”
What you’re doing has roughly the same effect
on your boyfriend as your current thinking and
behavior.
Follow me here?
You have to find a way to get this jealousy
and fear under control, because no matter how good
your relationship with a man might be, or how much
reassurance you get from him, it will NEVER be
enough for you because your mind will find a way
to freak you out.
Those negative feelings will keep coming up
(and driving him away) each and every time.
Ask yourself a few important questions:
- How are all your negative emotions, fears
and frustrations affecting the man in your life?
- How does it make him think about you, your
relationship and future together?
- What thoughts and feelings would he share
with you if he wasn’t afraid of you freaking out?
(Hint: being able to listen and understand a
man without immediately jumping to conclusions,
criticizing or freaking out goes a LONG WAY
towards creating a strong relationship that meets
BOTH your needs).
But there are a few important truths about why
men LEAVE relationships with women they really like
or even love that you need to know.
REASON #1 WHY MEN LEAVE RELATIONSHIPS:
The Pleasure Principle
Men and women want to feel good in their
lives and in their relationships.
If you’re constantly freaking out on a man
about something he’s doing or saying, you’re
quickly turning into a person who isn’t fun to be
around.
He just won’t feel that good around you.
This has a huge impact on whether or not he’ll
want to invest more time and energy into you and
your relationship.
Or if he’ll decide to give up on trying to fix
what’s going on so you can both feel good together
REASON #2 WHY MEN LEAVE RELATIONSHIPS:
Emotional Experience and the Future
The way a woman acts in “little” situations
become indicators to a man about how she’ll
respond when things REALLY get tough in the
future.
So if a woman is constantly emotional or
negative, even when a man does what he can to
“reassure” her… he isn’t going to believe things
will get better the longer he’s with her.
He’s going to feel as if he has to “walk on
eggshells” around you, and that doesn’t make
ANYONE feel good about staying in a relationship.
REASON #3 WHY MEN LEAVE RELATIONSHIPS:
Lost Feelings of Attraction
Sure, love is important to a man.
But experiencing those addicting and exciting
feelings of CONNECTION and ATTRACTION with the
woman he loves are just as important.
Because when a man feels ATTRACTION and love,
working out the little problems is a piece of
cake.
When he stops feeling that connection, he’ll
forget why he’s with you in the first place, and
the relationship will start to feel like a whole
bunch of “work” to him.
(By the way, trying to “fix” things by talking
about working on “the relationship” is a big
mistake. A man wants to DO fun and enjoyable
THINGS together – not talk – to know it’s working)
Creating that gut-level of attraction and
sharing that attraction is one of the most
powerful and important keys to giving a man his
own reason for wanting to be with you, no matter
what.
I’m not talking about physical attraction,
either.
I’m talking about the EMOTIONAL and
INTELLECTUAL attraction that comes from a deeper,
more subconscious place.
REASON #4 WHY MEN LEAVE RELATIONSHIPS:
Neediness
A man wants to be with a woman who brings
something BETTER to his life, not take away his
time, energy and emotional “stability.”
So when a woman doesn’t have much going on
for herself or her life BESIDES the relationship,
it’s a big red flag to the man.
It tells him she focuses too much on the
relationship as the source of her happiness.
She stops hanging out with her friends as
much, she stops focusing on her own interests or
hobbies and she feels “controlled” by the
relationship in some way.
This not only looks “needy” to a man, but he
realizes she isn’t bringing a lot into the
relationship on her own.
How can you tell you’re guilty of this?
Have you ever said this to yourself after a
break-up:
“I can’t believe how I lost touch with my
friends while I was with that guy.”
“I can’t believe I let him control me like
that.”
“Where did my life go?”
“What happened to the REAL ME? I wasted so
much time in that relationship, when I could have
been doing things for myself or my future.”
The reality is that no man and no
relationship can or should be EVERYTHING to you.
You shouldn’t have to sacrifice all your
time and energy on a man.
And the point is, he doesn’t WANT you to. At
least, no mature, “together” man will want you to.
(Controlling, psychotic men? Well, that’s another
story.)
REASON #5 WHY MEN LEAVE RELATIONSHIPS:
“She’s Trying to Fix Me”
A man can and will change and compromise for
a woman. It’s a fact.
I see it all the time when men let go of
their “bachelor lifestyles” for one special woman.
But a man has to have his OWN REASONS to
change. A lot of women try to change a man by
showing him how it will affect THEM as a couple,
not him alone.
People are motivated by things THEY WANT, not
by things others want. If you want a man to
change, you have to try to show him how it will
benefit him and him alone, not you or your
relationship.
Just remember, if a man is deeply committed
to you and your relationship and he isn’t feeling
or experiencing too many of the above “reasons”
for leaving, then any issues you have will feel
like small bumps in the road to him.
He’ll be confident, open, and secure about
working things out with you.
