This ones really hillarious 
Watch this video :
http://www.worldsgreatestbusinessmind.com/20081216-Gautam-%20-create.html&WT.mc_id=WGBM|Create
If you were wondering who ‘Gautam’ is, he is a partner who helps me run this site.
Now if you want to be the Worlds Greatest Business Mind, all you need to do is replace ‘Gautam’ with your name in the URL above… And that’s it !
Enjoy !
Yahya Khan, trying to persuade a yokel to volunteer for the Pakistani Air Force, took him inside the aircraft and explained, “You press this yellow button and the engine will start. Then you press the red one and the plane will fly off. It is all simple.”
“But how do I bring it down?” asked the yokel, puzzled.
“You don’t have to bother about that,” explained Yahya Khan. “Leave that to the Indian Air Force.”
An elderly and rich bania but mean in money matters acquired a young, pretty wife who was a spendthrift. He thought of a scheme to teach his wife the habit of saving. He presented her with a small tin box with a slit in its lid, locked it and put the key in his pocket. “Meyree Jaan” he said to her, “Every time you let me kiss you, I will puta four anna piece into the box through this slit on top. At the end of the month I will unlock it. All the money in it will be yours to spend as you like.”
The scheme worked very well. The young wife showed more willingness to be kissed and her elderly husband was quite happy to part with four anna coins for what he got in return.
At the end of the month with a grand gesture he produced the key from his pocket and unloked the box. What he saw did not please him because there were many 50 paise and rupee coins in the box.
“Where did these come from?” he demanded angrily.
“I’ve only been putting in chavannis.”
“Not everyone is as mean as you,” replied the wife saucily.
40 Gypsies arrive at the Pearly Gates in their Transit vans and caravans.
St Peter goes into the gatehouse and phones up God, saying. ‘I’ve got 40 travelers here. Can I let them in?’
God says ‘We are over quota on Pikeys . Go out and tell them to choose between them which are the 12 most worthy, and I will let just the dozen in.’
Less than a minute later St Peter is on the phone to God again. ‘They’ve gone’, he tells God.
‘What?’ says God, ‘All 40 of them?’
‘No, the f***ing gates’.
Two Sardarjis, both students of IIT, Kanpur, were talking about the American astronauts. One said to the other, “What’s te big deal about going to the moon – anybody can go to the moon. We are Sikhs – we’ll go direct to the Sun.”
“But if we get within 13 million miles of the sun, we’ll melt,” said the other Sardar.
And the first answered, “So what, we’ll go at night.”
First the Lord made man in the Garden of Eden.
Then he said to himself, “There’s something he’s needing.’ “
After casting about for a suitable pearl,
He kept messing around and created a girl.
Two beautiful legs, so long and so slender,
Round, slim, and firm, and ever so tender.
Two lovely hips to increase his desire,
And rounded and firm to bring out the fire.
Two lovely breasts, so full and so proud,
Commanding his eyes, as he whispers aloud.
Two lovely arms, just aching to bless you,
And two loving hands, to soothe and caress you.
Soft, cascading hair hung down over her shoulder,
And two dreamy eyes, just to make him grow bolder.
‘Twas made for a man, just to make his heart sing.
Then he added a mouth.
Ruined the whole thing.
An American delegation on a visit to India were being shown round the capital. In the evening they were taken to the Secretariat for a panoramic view of Vijay Chowk and Rajpath. Came the closing hour and thousands upon thousands of clerks poured out of their offices. The place was crammed with bicycles and pedestrian.s
“Who are all these people?” asked the leader of the American delegation.
“They are the common people of India; the real rulers of the country,” proudly replied the Minister conducting the visitors.
A few minutes later came a fleet of flag-bearing limousines escorted by pilots on motorcycles followed by jeeps full of armed policemen. “And who are these?” asked the American.
“These are us,” replied the minister with the same pride, “the servants of the people.”
If you had purchased $1,000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00.
With Enron, you would have had $16.50 left of the original $1,000.00.
With WorldCom, you would have had less than $5.00 left.
If you had purchased $1,000.00 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left
But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have had $214.00.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle. It’s called: The 401-Keg Plan
God summoned Castro, Chirac and Bush before him. He told them that they were ruining his precious Earth with all their pollutants, industrial fishing, logging etc. He told them to clean up their act or he would make the whole mankind shovel shit from one hole to another for eternity. Go! tell your people.
So Castro goes back to his people and tells them “I have 2 things to tell you, both of them bad. One, God exists and Two, if we don’t clean up the planet we will have to shovel shit from one hole to another for eternity.”
Chirac goes back to his people and tells them “I have 2 things to tell you, one good and one bad. One, God exists and Two, if we don’t clean up the planet mankind will have to shovel shit from one hole to another for eternity.”
Bush goes back to his people and tells them “I have 2 things to tell you, both of them good. One, God exists and Two, There’ll soon be enough work for everyone!”
=========
The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of Sexually Transmitted Disease. This disease is contracted through dangerous and high risk behavior. The disease is called Gonorrhea Lectim (pronounced “gonna re-elect him.”) Many victims contracted it in 2004, after having been screwed for the past 4 years, in spite of having taken measures to protect themselves from this especially troublesome disease.
Cognitive sequelae of individuals infected with Gonorrhea Lectim include, but are not limited to:
Anti-social personality disorder traits;
Delusions of grandeur with a distinct messianic flavor;
Chronic mangling of the English language;
Exceptional cowardice masked by acts of misplaced bravado;
Uncontrolled facial smirking;
Ignorance of geography and history;
Tendencies toward creating evangelical theocracies;
And a strong propensity for categorical, all-or-nothing behavior.
The disease is sweeping Washington. Naturalists and epidemiologists are amazed and baffled that this malignant disease originated only a few years ago from a Texas Bush.
========
God and Satan got into an argument over the repairs of the wall dividing heaven and hell. God insisted that all the damage was caused by people in hell and Satan should pay for its repair. Satan was adamant that they should share the cost. When they failed to resolve their dispute, Satan said: “Let’s appoint an arbitrator and let our lawyers argue the case before him”.
“I don’t mind having an arbitrator”, replied God, “but you’ll have an advantage over me. I have no lawyers in heaven; they are all on your side”.