Funny Emails And Funny Cell Phone Forwards and a bit of Self Improvement Tips For Smart Teenagers
Funny Emails And Funny Cell Phone Forwards and a bit of Self Improvement Tips For Smart Teenagers

Chandrababuism

You have two cows in Vijayawada . You hook them to internet and milk them from Hyderabad .

Jayalalithaism

You have two cows. You teach them to cry,’Ammaaaaaaa…’ and fall at your feet.

Karunanidhiism

You have two cows. You give one to your son and the other to your nephew ..

Gandhism

You have two cows. But you drink goat’s milk.

Indiraism

You have two bulls. You adamantly consider them as cows.

Lalooism

You have two cows. You buy Rs. 900 Crore worth of cattlefeed for them.

Rajnikantism

* You have two cows. You throw them into air and catch their milk in your mouth.

Santaism

You have two cows. You paint them both to get colourful milk.

Softwarism: (Ultimate….)

Client has 2 cows and u need to milk them.

1 .. First prepare a document when to milk them (Project kick off)

2 .. Prepare a document how long you have to milk them (Project plan)

3 .. Then prepare how to milk them (Design)

4 .. Then prepare what other accessories are needed to milk them

(Framework)

5 .. Then prepare a 2 dummy cows (sort of toy cows) and show to client

the way in which u will milk them (UI Mockups & POC)

6 .. If client is not satisfied then redo from step 2

7 You actually start milking them and find that there are few problem with accessories. (Change framework)

8 .. Redo step 4

9 .. At last milk them and send it to onsite. (Coding over)

10. Make sure that cow milks properly ( Testing)

11. Onsite reports that it is not milking there.

12. You break your head and find that onsite is trying to milk from bulls

13. At last onsite milk them and send to client (Testing)

14. Client says the quality of milk is not good. (User Acceptance Test)

15. Offsite then slogs and improves the quality of milk

16. Now the client says that the quality is good but its milking at slow rate (performance issue)

17. Again you slog and send it with good performance.

18. Client is happy???

By this time both the COWs aged and cant milk.

(The software got old and get ready for next release repeat from step 1) !!!!!

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the
ball into the woods.
She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog
in a trap.

The frog said to her, “If you release me from this trap, I
will grant you three wishes.”
The woman freed the frog, and the frog said,
“Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.

Whatever you wish for, your husband will get ten times of it!” The woman
said, “That’s okay.”

For her first wish, she wanted to be the most
beautiful woman in the world.
The frog warned her, “You do realize that this
wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis
whom women will flock to”.
The woman replied, “That’s okay, because I will
be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me.”
So, KAZAM-
she’s the most beautiful Woman in the world!

For her second wish, she
wanted to be the richest woman in the world.
The frog said, “That will make
your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than
you. ”
The woman said, “That’s okay, because what’s mine is his and what’s
his is mine.”
So, KAZAM- she’s the richest woman in the world!

The
frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, “I’d like to have a
mild heart attack.”

Moral of the story:

Women are clever. Don’t mess with them.

Attention female readers:
This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good!

Male readers: Please scroll down.

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The man had a heart attack ten times “milder” than his wife!!!

Moral of the story : Women are really dumb but think they’re really smart .

Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show

PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen!!!

You can forward this to all the guys for a good laugh, and to all the ladies who have a good sense of humour :) 

The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the
background checks, interviews and testing were done, there
were 3 finalists; two men and a woman. For the final test,
the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door
and handed him a gun. ‘We must know that you will
follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances.
Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair
. . . Kill her!!’ The man said, ‘You can’t be
serious. I could never shoot my wife.’ The agent said,
‘Then you’re not the right man for this job. Take
your wife and go home.’

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the
gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5
minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, ‘I
tried, but I can’t kill my wife.’ The agent said,
‘You don’t ha ve what it takes. Take your wife home.

Finally, it was the woman’s turn. She was given the
same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun
and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after
another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the
walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened
slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her
brow. ‘This gun is loaded with blanks’ she said.
‘I had to beat him to death with the chair.’

MORAL: Women are crazy. Don’t mess with them

After an international beer conference in London, all the world’s top brewery bosses decide to go out for a beer together.

The Chairman of Budweiser says, “I’d like the most refreshing beer in the world, ‘The King Of Beers’: give me a Budweiser.”

The bartender takes a bottle from the shelf and opens it for him .

The Chairman of Guiness says, “I’d like the only beer in the world worth really, truly waiting for: give me a Guinness.”

The bartender serves him.
The Chairman of Carlsberg says, ” I would like the world’s best beer, drunk in more countries than any other: give me a Carlsberg.”

He gets it.

Vijay Mallaya sits down, looks around and says, “Just give me a Coke.”

The bartender looks at him, shrugs, and serves him.

The other brewery bosses laugh loudly and say, “Hey Vijay, how come you aren’t drinking a Kingfisher?”

“Listen,” says Vijay Mallya, “If you guys aren’t drinking beer, neither will I”