Funny Emails, Funny Cell Phone Forwards, Funny SMS, Funny Quotes, Funny Poems
Funny Emails, Funny Cell Phone Forwards, Funny SMS, Funny Quotes, Funny Poems

Prince Charles & Sardarji were having dinner.
Prince said, “Pass the wine you divine”.
Sardar thinks “how poetic”
Sardar says, “pass the custard you bastard”.

*******

Sardar at bar in New York.
Man on his right says “Johny Walker single”
Man on his left says “Peter Scotch single”
Sardar says – “Baljith Singh Married”

*******
Boss : I am giving u job as a driver. STARTING salary Rs.2000/-, is it o.k
Sardar : U R great sir! Starting salary is o.k…….but? ?
How much is DRIVING salary…?

*******

Sardar’s theory : Moon is more impt than Sun, coz it gives light at night when light is needed
& Sun gives light during the day when light is not needed!!!

*******

2 sardars are driving a Car, one puts on the indicator and asks the other to check whether its working,
He puts his head out and says YES…NO…YES. ..NO…YES. ..NO…

*******

Chandrababuism

You have two cows in Vijayawada . You hook them to internet and milk them from Hyderabad .

Jayalalithaism

You have two cows. You teach them to cry,’Ammaaaaaaa…’ and fall at your feet.

Karunanidhiism

You have two cows. You give one to your son and the other to your nephew ..

Gandhism

You have two cows. But you drink goat’s milk.

Indiraism

You have two bulls. You adamantly consider them as cows.

Lalooism

You have two cows. You buy Rs. 900 Crore worth of cattlefeed for them.

Rajnikantism

* You have two cows. You throw them into air and catch their milk in your mouth.

Santaism

You have two cows. You paint them both to get colourful milk.

Softwarism: (Ultimate….)

Client has 2 cows and u need to milk them.

1 .. First prepare a document when to milk them (Project kick off)

2 .. Prepare a document how long you have to milk them (Project plan)

3 .. Then prepare how to milk them (Design)

4 .. Then prepare what other accessories are needed to milk them

(Framework)

5 .. Then prepare a 2 dummy cows (sort of toy cows) and show to client

the way in which u will milk them (UI Mockups & POC)

6 .. If client is not satisfied then redo from step 2

7 You actually start milking them and find that there are few problem with accessories. (Change framework)

8 .. Redo step 4

9 .. At last milk them and send it to onsite. (Coding over)

10. Make sure that cow milks properly ( Testing)

11. Onsite reports that it is not milking there.

12. You break your head and find that onsite is trying to milk from bulls

13. At last onsite milk them and send to client (Testing)

14. Client says the quality of milk is not good. (User Acceptance Test)

15. Offsite then slogs and improves the quality of milk

16. Now the client says that the quality is good but its milking at slow rate (performance issue)

17. Again you slog and send it with good performance.

18. Client is happy???

By this time both the COWs aged and cant milk.

(The software got old and get ready for next release repeat from step 1) !!!!!

Finally , the guys’ side of the story.
( I must admit, it’s pretty good.)
We always hear ‘ the rules’
From the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered ’1′
ON PURPOSE!

1.   Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem  only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem.

See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are.
Don’t ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the  other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did  NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say ‘nothing,’ We will act like nothing’s wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, Expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.  Really .

1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

1. But did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping.

1. All points are marked as point no. (1), becoz all points are equally Important.

There is no thing as More Important or less Important.

Pass this to as many men as you can – to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can – to give them a bigger laugh

A lady tells her husband to go to the store to buy some cigarettes. He walks down to the store only to find it closed. So he goes into a nearby bar to use the vending machine. At the bar he sees beautiful woman and strikes up a conversation. They have a couple of beers and one thing leads to another and they end up in her apartment. After they’ve had their fun, he realizes its 3am and says,

“Oh no! It’s so late. My wife’s going to kill me. Have you got any talcum powder?” She gives him some talcum powder, which he precedes to rub on his hands and then goes home. His wife is waiting for him in the doorway and she is pretty angry.

“Where have you been?” Well, honey, it’s like this. I went to the store like you asked, but they were closed. So I went to the bar to use the vending machine. I saw this great looking girl there and we had a few drinks and one thing led to another and I ended up in bed with her.

“Oh yeah? Let me see your hands!”
She sees his hands are covered with powder and says…
“You big fat liar!!! You were playing pool again !!!

Moral of the story:
(1) Always tell your wife the truth.
(2) She will never believe you anyway.
(3) At least your conscience will be clear .

1. Can I borrow a quarter? I want to call my mom and tell her I just met the girl of my dreams.
2. Is your daddy a theif? Then who stole the sparkle of the stars and put them into your eyes?
3. Will you go out with me?………. to McDonald’s? +
4. Can I flirt with you?
5. Blonde, James Blonde… Jr. =
6. I looked up the word BEAUTIFUL in the thesaurus taday, and your name was included.
7. I’ve had a really bad day and it always makes me feel better to see a pretty girl smile. So…
would you please smile for me?
8. Hey, somebody farted. Lets get out of here!
9. You’ve got the whitest teeth I have ever seen!
10. Excuse me, but what pick up line works best for you?
11. Hi, what’s a girl like you doing in a nice place like this?
12. Hi, can I buy you a car?
13. Excuse me, I seem to have lost my phone number, can I please borrow yours?
14. Do you have a boyfriend?
No?! Well do you want one?
Oh, you do? Well, when you want a MANfriend, come talk to me!
15. Can I have directions?… to your heart?
16. For a minute there I thought I had died and gone to heaven, but now I realize that I am very much alive, and that heaven has been brought to me.
17. Have you always been this cute, or did you have to work at it?
18. Hey, don’t I know you? Yah, you’re that girl with the beautiful smile!
19. You know, you might be asked to leave soon. You’re making the other women look really bad.
20. Hi, you’re cute!
21. Hi, are you legal? No, your to hot to be legal.
22. I’m not drunk, I’m just intoxicated by you.
23. You know, girls like you give guys like me a reason to live.
24. Even the word Chicka-mama doesn’t describe you! -
25. Is there an airport nearby or is that just my heart taking off?
26. Nice socks, can I try them on? +
27. Can I carry your books?
28. Your father must be a drug dealer, cuz you dope!
29. Your father must be an alien, because there’s nothing else like you on earth!
30. Your dad must be an awsome baker, because you have rad buns!
31. You know, if I could rearange the alphabet, I’d put U and I together.
32. Out of curiosity, were you born on a plane? cuz baby, you’re FLY!
33. Hey, what are the chances of a guy like me, picking up a girl like you? +
34. Hi, do you dig guys who use cheesy pick up lines? +
35. Hi, will you reject me if I try and pick you up? +
36. I advise you to surrender imediately or I’ll have to use a pick up line. -
37. If I had hand-cuffs, I’d lock myself to you right now! -
38. It’s a good thing I brought my gloves today, other wise you’d be too hot to handle! -
39. Yesterday, I found this magic lamp and I asked the genie to let you to fall in love with me… did it work? -
40. Is your name Gellete? cuz your the best a man can get.
41. So I heard you got the hots for me!
42. Hey, I know you, yah, you’re that girl in the supermarket looking for the jamacan banana! +
43. That’s amazing! You’re eyes are the exact same color as my porche!
44. Are you tired? cuz you’ve been running around in my mind all day!
45. I know milk does a body bood, but how much have you been drinking?!!!!!
46. Are those space pants? cuz your legs are out of this world!
47. It’s a good thing I have my library card, because I’m checkin’ you out!
48. Hey good lookin’, what’s cookin’?
49. See these arms? They are just dying to be wrapped around you! +
50. Reproducing, eh? Mind if I help? (ya kinda need to be at a copy maching for this one)
51. Do you mind if I stare at you up close, instead of from across the room?
52. Hey baby, got any cavities?
53. If I asked you…… would you marry me? +
54. I got a word for you in my secret language, it’s Chicka-mama! -
55. I’ll see you later, I have to pick up my new porche.
56. Are you a model? =
57. Do you want to come over? My mom wants to be the first one to meet the girl of my dreams! +
58. I’m a stud, not a dud! =
59. Hey, I’m writing a love letter to you, how exactly do you spell BEAUTIFUL? +
60. My heart combination is LOVE! =
61. Wanna get married in the temple? (you sort of have to be Mormons to use this one)
62. My pits say, you smell good! =
63. If it startd to rain, would you come under my unbrella? +
64. Hey, is it hot in here, or it that just you?
65. Am I hot or what?
66. You are beautiful in every language! +
67. If beauty were measured in seconds, you’d be an hour!
68. I thought I’d come over and say hello before you caught me staring.
69. Was it love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
70. So are you ever going to talk to me, or were you just going to continue to stare?
71. You have the academic look I just lust after.
72. You’re cute! Mind if I use you so I can impress my friends?
73. Can I buy you a soda, or do you just want the money?
74. I’ve got a thirst baby, and you smell like my Gatoraid!
75. Nice boots, want a meaningful relationship?
76. What? Do you want one of us to come over there and bite you are something?
77. Hey, I’m bored. Entertain me and I’ll buy you a root beer.
78. You look like the type of girl that has heard every line in the book, so what’s one more?
79. Hi, the voices in my head tole me to come over and talk to you.
80. Hi, all my friend call me sheldon. +
81. Hey, I’m in a rock band! +
82. Hey honey, I got money!
83. Are you Sweadish? cuz you’re the sweetish girl I’ve met!
- or – cuz you’re the sweetish fish in the sea!
84. Excuse me, but you owe me a soda! cuz when i saw how beautiful you were, I dropped mine.
85. How are you? ["Fine"] Darn right you are.
86. My name is Peter Pan, cuz I can take you to Never Never Land.
87. I’m gonna follow you home.
88. You are a cruel thief, cuz you stole my heart!
89. If I followed you home, would you keep me?
90. Do you have a map? I just keep getting lost in your eyes.
91. Are you O.K.? because it’s a long fall from heaven.
92. I’m sorry, I’m an artist and it’s my job to stare at beautiful women!
93. Hey, I’m a professional wrestler, can I get ya in a headlock? Don’t worry, I get paid to do this! +
94. I know I don’t look like much now, but I’m drinking milk.
95. What does it feel like to be the most beautiful girl in this room?
96. You must be from Tennassee! Because you are the only TEN I see!
97. Yo baby, gimme yo digits! +
98. You know what I think? I think that it is about time you stop ignoring me. Let’s say we engage in a meaningless conversation… +
99. Hey, can you do me a HUGE favour!? Ask me on a date in front of my friend over there? +
100. Do you alway wear your shoes over your socks?
101. See my friend over there? (he waves sheepishly from afar) Well, he wants to know if you think I’m cute!

32 lines to get sugar

1. I bet you a dollar I can kiss you without touching you. (kiss) Here’s your dollar.
2. Hey, what would you do if I kissed you right now?!!
3. Hey, normaly I charge girls when they kiss me, but for you I’ll make an exeption. -
4. Kiss me if I’m wrong but haven’t we met before?
5. Wanna get some pizza and KISS?… No!? you don’t like pizza?!!
6. So hey, I hear you’re a great kisser. +
7. Do you like peanut butter? Do you want to kiss?
8. Do you want to play spin the bottle? Come on! +
9. Did you know that kissing prolongs life? +
10. Doesn’t this musick make you want to kiss? +
11. My friend bet me ten bucks you wouldn’t kiss me, so lets say I give you half and you do.
12. Do you want to dance? No?! Then I guess kissing is out of the question, eh?
13. If I were elvis, would you kiss me?
14. Here’s the deal, give me a kiss and if I don’t like it, I swear I’ll give you a full refund. +
15. If you kiss me, I promise to stop bugging you.
16. Hey baby, how about some kissing lessons? I’m a professional amateur! ^+
17. Yo mama, how about some lip wrestling? ^
18. Is it cold in here, or are you just afraid to kiss me? +
19. If I was the last man on Earth, I bet you would kiss me in public!
20. Hey, you wanna know what I heard about you? Kiss me and I’ll tell you.
21. Hey, my lips can dance just as good as me! let’s kiss! +
22. i’m usually better looking! give me a kiss and i’ll turn into a prince!
23. hugs are for wusses, give me a kiss! +
24. i’ll give you 10 bucks if you kiss me right now in front of my friend over there!
25. Do you believe in obeying the scriptures? read this… (2 corinthians 13:12) +
26. hey girls, each of you pick a number between 1 & 100. you win! (kiss the girl who’s the hottest and run) +%
27. Didn’t anyone tell you that you wanted to kiss me?!?! I thought you knew???
28. Kiss me if I am wrong, but you want to go out with me, don’t you…
29. Kiss me if I’m wrong, but isn’t your name… ?
30. Hi, I’m not trying to pressure you, I don’t want to kiss without mutual consent; but by the way, you have my consent, don’t worry!
31. My lips are registered weapons. Watch out, cuz your on my wanted list!
32. I am a magical being, I command you to kiss me. NOW! (stretch your arms out and wiggle your fingers)

Even More Pick Up Lines

1) Hello, you caught my attention but I’m in the middle of a conversation with an old friend of mine. Let me buy you a soda now, and I’ll be back in a few minutes because I’d really like to meet you!
2) Hey baby, wanna wrestle? +
3) I’m not Elmo, but you can tickle me anytime you like!
4) I’d walk a million miles to see one of your smiles.
5) Hey, if i wistled at you, would you stop and talk to me??? +
6) You can’t be sisters! That’s not fair to the rest of the family trees to have 2 peices of fruit as beautiful as you. +
7) Hey, how old do you think i am? +
Hey, can i write a song about you? I will call it, “to the love of my life… you are so beautiful!” +
9) Hey, can i butt into your personal life? +
10) Do you think i have a chance with you? +
11) Hey, what’s your name? Wow! Did you know what the ancient greek translation for your name is? Your name means… “Godess of Beauty!” +
12) Did you want to go out with me, or do you just get a kick out of playing hard to get? +
13) Hey, my email address is: “sheldon@studly_and_available.com”. +
14) Hey, can i buy you some flowers? +
15) Hey babalicious, are you chewable… i mean available? +
16) Are your hands cold? +
17) Wanna see my socks? +
18) Do you have even the slightest idea of how beautiful you are? +
19) Do you always have to look this good?! You are driving me bananas! +
20) I bit the last girl who turned “me” down! +
21) Why are you ignoring me? You haven’t said a word to me all day! +
22) (Give them a flower) “I just wanted to show this flower how beautiful you are!”
23) Hey, my dentist says i have perfect theeth! (you need milk duds caught in your teeth for this one to work!) +
24) Who are you waiting for? … are you sure you aren’t waiting for me??? +
25) It’s girls like you that make days like this, all the more beautiful! +
26) So uh, … what um… are you, uh… doing on uhm… you know … like on Saturday night?
27) Would you like to help me with my self esteem?
28) I am looking for someone with a good head on their shoulders. I just hate necks.
29) Excuse me, but … would you like to see my collection of curly nose hairs?
30) Are you religious? Good, because I’m the answer to your prayers.
31) Are those space pants??? Because your buns are out of this world!
32) Do you want to dance? No? NO! i said you look fat in those pants!
33) Achoo! Sorry, i must be alergic to your good looks!
34) If beauty were a drop of water, you’d be an ocean!
35) Man, you sure are easy on the eyes!
36) You’re walkin’ like you want a boyfriend! so… want one?
37) Hey, open your mouth! i just want to see if you are as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside! +
38) do you have stars on your underwear? becuase your butt is out of this world!
39) Your good looks are lethal! you’re killing me! +
40) Do you have a license to kill? becuase your good looks are killing me! +
41) Even if you were a cactus, i would still want to hug you! +
42) So hey, your friend told me you got the hots for me… i think she’s right! +
43) Hey, here’s the signals: thumbs up it’s good, thumbs down it’s bad. here’s the plan: you stay right here, don’t take off on me! i’m gonna go over there behind that bush, and when you see me pop my head out, give me the signal wether you would go on a date with me or not, k? see you soon! +
44) hey, wanna hold the preisthood?
45) i get so frustrated when hot chicks like you only look as far as the surface, cant you see my inner beauty??? +
46) i dont have time for long goodbyes… so here. (hug and run!)%
47) i dont have time for those lame cheezy pickuplines, so i’ll just say your one hot mama! %+
48) quick call 9-11, ther’s about to be a crime committed (hug and run) hug and run, hug and run! +
49) sorry for what i’m about to do. (hug and run)%
50) i hope you dont take any offence to this but… (hug and run)%
51) whats your name? oh thats nice, i’ll probly never see you again, so… (hug and run)+%
52) pick a number between 1 and 101. (say the pick up line they choose) +
53) wanna see a magic trick? i can dissapear real fast, watch! close your eyes… (hug and run) +
54) hey wanna go on a date? (put a date on ground, pick her up in your arms [pick a hot chick, preferably skinny] and stand on the date.) how long do you want to be on this date for? +
55) ever since i was a kid, my mom has taught me the importance of household chores, the most useful chore she ever taught me was how to sweep. because now as i’ve gotten older… and wiser, i can now sweep girls off there feet! (pick up the girl but do not drop her) +
56) you’re lucky good looks dont start fires, becuase you could burn down a forest! +
57) i’m gonna cry, quick, hold me! ha ha ha +
58) hey, i’ve got something for you (when they open there hand, hold it)
59) you are too pretty for words!
60) Your eyes are as blue as window cleaner.
61) Hey you’re in my seat!
62) Do you have any raisins?’
“No I don’t.”
‘You don’t have any raisins? Well then, how about a date?’
63) I saw you at the party last weekend and you look kind of interesting. Let’s meet sometime.
64) Did the sun come out or did you just smile at me?
65) Hey, if I wistled at you, would you stop and talk to me? +
66) Hey, lucky you… it’s National Hug Day! (hug and run) +
67) If you were a tear in my eye I would not cry for fear of losing you.
68) My lenses turn dark in the sunshine of your love!
69) So there you are! I’ve been looking all over for YOU, the girl of my dreams!
70) Stand still so I can pick you up!
71) Would you touch me so I can tell my friends I’ve been touched by an angel?
72) Wouldn’t we look cute on a wedding cake together?
73) [Grab her tush.] Pardon me, is this seat taken?
74) Your eyes are blue, like the ocean. And baby, I’m lost at sea
75) Your name must be Mickey because your so fine.
76) You’re daddy must be a hunter because he sure caught a fox!
77) Can you say constantinople backwards? Me neither, but I just wanted to ask. (elponitnatsnoc)
78) Can you spell ICUP? “I-C-U-P” You saw me pee?!?!? (laugh profusely)
79) I am very, very lonely, and I was wonderin’…
80) would you like to help me with my self esteam?
81) would you go on a date with me sometime?
82) You are just truly absolutely beautiful!
83) If you were a booger I’d pick you first.
84) Your name is Sandra, huh? Can I call you Sandy? Really? what’s your phone number, and what time can I call? are you sure boys are allowed to call you???
85) Are my undies showing? “No.” Would you like them to?
86) Hey, are you one of those chicks who goes out with guys right off the bat? ‘Cause that’s what I’m looking for.
87) Congratulations! You’ve been voted “Most Beautiful Girl In This Room” and the grand prize is a date with me!
88) Hey, I need your help! My mom says that if I don’t get a date by tomorrow, she’s putting me up for adoption! Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease…
89) Hey, check these out! (flex your bicepts) +
90) Your hands look cold. Do you want me to warm them up?
91) Girl, you so fine! I wish I could plant you and grow a hole field of you!
92) Baby, you must be a broom, cause you just swept me off my feet.
93) I think I can die happy now, ‘cause I’ve just seen a piece of heaven.
94) Baby, you’re so sweet, you gonna put Hershey’s outta business!
95) I just had to come talk with you. Sweetness is my weakness.
96) Is it hot in here or is it just you?
97) Nice to meet you, I’m Sheldon and you’re Gorgeous!
98) You make me melt like hot fudge on a sundae.
99) So, what do you do for a living besides making guys excited and warm all over?
100) Were your parents Greek Gods? ’cause it takes two Gods to make a Goddess!
101) What does it feel like to be the most beautiful girl in this room?
102) What’s that on your face? Oh, must just be beauty… Here, let me get it off. Hey, it’s not coming off???
103) Ya know, you are really hot! You must be the real reason for global warming.
104) Excuse me, but you have a beep on your nose. “What?” (Reach up and gently squeeze her nose) BEEP!
105) Hi, my name is Sheldon, how do you like me so far?
106) Chicks dig me. I wear colored undywear.
107) Hey, wanna take me out for ice cream sometime??? +
108) Hey, you’re the cosine of an isosolece triangle and i’m a tangent on the same side of the transversal! +
109) i’m gonna put this blind fold on, ok? and now i’m gonna sing you a song, and if you are still standing (or sitting) there when i’m done singing and I take the blind fold off, then that means that either you like my singing, or else you think i’m a hot stud and you want a date with me. ok, here I go… today i’m gonna be singing, “someone’s in the kitchen with Dina”

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer.

Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, “Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.”

The man said, “Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want.”

The Lord said, “Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that would honor and glorify me.”

The man thought about it for a long time.

Finally he said, “Lord, I wish that I could understand my girl friend. I want to know how she feels inside, what she’s thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing’s wrong, and how I can make a woman truly Happy.”

The Lord replied, “You want 2 lanes or 4 lanes on that bridge?”

Ramayana – narrated by a American teenage dude… Do read it………………….

A young second generation Indian in the US was asked by his mother to explain the significance of “Diwali” to his younger brother, this is how he went about it…

“So, like this dude had, like, a big cool kingdom and people liked him. But, like, his step-mom, or something, was kind of a bitch, and she forced her husband to, like, send this cool-dude, he was Ram, to some national forest or something… Since he was going,
for like, something like more than 10 years or so.. he decided to get his wife and his bro along… you know…so that they could all chill out together.

But Dude, the forest was reeeeal scary shit… really man…they had monkeys and devils and shit like that. But
this dude, Ram, kicked with darts and bows and arrows… so it was fine.

But then some bad gangsta boys, some jerk called Ravan, picks up his babe (Sita) and lures her away to his hood. And boy, was our man, and also his bro, Laxman, pissed….. all the gods were with him… So anyways, you don’t mess with gods. So, Ram, and his bro get an army of monkeys.. Dude, don’t ask me how they trained the damn monkeys… just go along with me, ok…

so, Ram, Lax and their monkeys whip this gangsta’s ass in his own hood.
Anyways, by this time, their time’s up in the forest..and anyways…it gets kinda boring,you know… no TV or malls or shit like that. So,they decided to hitch a ride back home… and when the people realize that our dude, his bro and the wife are back home… they thought, well, you know, at least they deserve something nice… and they didn’t have any bars or clubs in those days… so they couldn’t take
them out for a drink, so they, like, decided to smoke and shit…and since they also had some lamps, they lit the lamps also… so it was pretty cooool…
you know with all those fireworks… Really, they even had some local band play along with the fireworks… and you know, what, dude, that was the very first, no kidding.., that was the very first music-synchronized fireworks… you know, like the 4th of July stuff, but just, more cooler and stuff, you know. And, so dude, that was how, like, this festival started.”

First caller:

Girl:    Hello Sir, this is Pooja calling from Country Club.
Me:     Hi Pooja!
Girl:    Sir, we are offering life time Country Club membership for Rs.1.5 lakh only!
Me:     Wow, what an offer! Only 1.5 lakh! How come so cheap?
Girl:    Sir, I am not joking (with a chuckle).
Me:     Neither me. You know, one of my friends already has Club Mahindra membership at Rs.1.5 lakh per year. Do you have any concession on group booking? I think we have around 8 people in my team.

Girl:    Sir, along with this, you will get 2 air tickets to Goa absolutely free!
Me:     Free? I mean after becoming a member, isn’t it?
Girl:    We are also offering 8/6 site in Tumkur.
Me:     What should I do with that site?
Girl:    You know Sir, if you have more people in your group, you can have a farm house there …

Me:     where we can enjoy our retired life (continuing from where she left)

Girl:    I am not joking, Sir!
Me:     Who said that you are joking? Seriously Madam, I am serious. (Can’t control my loud laughter this time)
Girl:    Ok Sir, I think you are not interested. And she hangs up. 

Second caller:

Girl:    Hi Sir, this is Pooja calling from ICICI Bank.
Me:     Oh, Pooja, nice to hear your voice!
Girl:    (amused by reaction) Sir, we are offering home loans for 12% interest.
Me:     Oh, is that so? It’s good, but I have an offer from another bank which is giving home loan for only 2% interest!
Girl:    Only 2% interest?
Me:     Yeah, it’s only 2%, seriously.
Girl:    Which bank, Sir? I do not think any bank is offering at this interest rate.

Me:     (lowering my voice) I can’t tell you, you know it’s a private bank!
Girl:    No Sir, it’s not possible. If that’s the case, then, I’m also interested.
Me:     If you want to know the name of the bank, give your mobile number as I cannot disclose this information over phone. I am bound not to disclose the details.

Girl:    Okay. She disconnects the call.  

Third caller:

Girl:    Hello Sir, I am Pooja calling from …

Me:     (interrupting her) Hang on for a moment … (taking my time) …Okay let’s play “Kaun Banega Crorepati” with… sorry, I forgot your name?

Girl:    Sorry ….
Me:     What’s your name, Madam? Am I speaking in an alien language?
Girl:    Pooja…
Me:     Audience, we have Pooja on our hot seat. Let’s play “Kaun Banega Crorepati” with Pooja. (Of course, mimicking Big B’s accent) Here is the first question to Pooja for 1,000 rupees on your computer screen. (Adding standard KBC music) Which bank you are calling from? (a) ICICI (b) HDFC (c) Deutsche (d) Others.
Girl:    Funny (light laugh)…Okay, I am calling from HDFC.
Me:     Computer, please lock (b) HDFC …And yes (b) HDFC is the right answer. You have won 1,000 rupees!
Girl:    Sir, are you interested in … (again interruption by me).
Me:     (my own voice) aren’t you enjoying it? I think YES (switching back to Big B voice again) Ready for another question? And here goes the second question for 2,000 rupees on your computer screen. What is the reason behind your call to me? (a) Credit/debit card (b) Home loan/personal loan (c) Mutual fund (d) Others.
Girl:    Okay, it’s enough. Are you interested in free Gold Credit Card offered by us?
Me:     Oh no, wrong answer. Sorry Poojaji, I already have credit card from ICICI. I have been telling the participants that whenever you have doubt in mind, go for the life lines. And you have not used any of your life lines. What a pity!

Girl:    She hangs up. (As expected)