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Careers in Pakistan

If we were in Pakistan, our options for professional courses after Std. X
would be as follows :

JEE – Jehadic Entrance Examination

IIT – Islamic Institute of Terrorism

IIM – Institute of Infiltration Management

CAT – Career in Alqaida & Taliban

IAS – Iraq after Saddam

M Tech – Masters in Terror Technology

GATE – General Aptitude in Terror and Extremism

TOEFL – Test of Extremist Foreign Languages

GRE – Graduate in Relocation Extremism

MBBS – Master of Bomb Blasting Strategies

MBA – Master of Bombing Administration

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HARD-DISK Girls: She remembers everything, FOREVER.

RAM Girls: She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.

WINDOWS Girls: Everyone knows that she can’t do a thing right, but no one can live without her.

SCREENSAVER Girls: She is good for nothing but at least she is fun!

INTERNET Girls: difficult to access.

SERVER Girls: Always busy when you need her.

MULTIMEDIA Girls: She makes horrible things look beautiful.

CD-ROM Girls: she is always faster and faster.

E-MAIL Girls: every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.

VIRUS Girls:
Also known as “WIFE”; when you are not expecting her, she comes, installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, if you don’t try to uninstall her … you will lose everything…

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A man was stranded on a desert island for 10 years. One day, a beautiful girl swims to shore in a wetsuit…

Man: “Hi! Am I ever happy to see you.”

Girl: “Hi! It seems like you’ve been here a long time. How long has it been since you’ve had a cigarette?”

Man: “It’s been 10 years!” With this information`the girl unzips a slot on the arm of her wet suit and gives the man a cigarette.`Man: “Oh, thank you so much!”

Girl: “So tell me how long it’s been since you`had a drink?” Man: “It’s been 10 years.” The girl unzips a longer zipper on her wet suit and comes out with a flask of whisky and gives the man a drink.

Man: “Oh… thank you so much. You are like a miracle!”

Girl: [Starting to unzip the front of her wet suit.] “So tell me then, how long has it been since you played around?”

Man: “Oh, my God, don’t tell me you’ve got a set of golf clubs in there too?!”

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Okhil Babu’s letter to the Railway Department (early 1900’s – Imagine a Bangla accent) ==============================================================

“I am arrive by passenger train Ahmedpur station and my belly is too much swelling with jackfruit. I am therefore went to privy. Just I doing the nuisance that guard making whistle blow for train to go off and I am running with ‘lotah’ in one hand and ‘dhoti’ in the next when I am fall over and expose all my shocking to man and female women on plateform. I am got leaved at Ahmedpur station. This too much bad, if passenger go to make dung that dam guard not wait train five minutes for him. I am therefore pray your honour to make big fine on that guard for public sake. Otherwise I am making big report to papers.”

Okhil Chandra Sen wrote this letter to the Sahibganj divisional railway office in 1909. It is on display at the Railway Museum in New Delhi. It was also reproduced under the caption “Travellers’ Tales” in the Far Eastern Economic Review.

Any guesses why this letter is of historic value?

It led to the introduction of TOILETS in trains!!!!!!!!!

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Wife: ‘What are you doing?’

Husband : Nothing.

Wife : ‘Nothing…? You’ve been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.’

Husband : ‘I was looking for the expiry date.’

——————————-

Wife : ‘Do you want dinner?’

Husband : ‘Sure! What are my choices?’

Wife : ‘Yes or no.’

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Wife: ‘You always carry my photo in your wallet. Why?’

Hubby: ‘When there is a problem, no matter how great, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.’

Wife: ‘You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?’

Hubby: ‘Yes! I see your picture and ask myself what other problem can there be greater than this one?’

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Stress Reliever Girl: ‘When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.’

Boy: ‘It’s very kind of you, darling, but I don’t have any worries or troubles.’

Girl: ‘Well that’s because we aren’t married yet.’

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Son: ‘ Mum, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.’

Mom: ‘Well, you have done the right thing.’

Son: ‘But mum, I was sitting on daddy’s lap.’

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A newly married man asked his wife, ‘Would you have married me if my father hadn’t left me a fortune?’

‘Honey,’ the woman replied sweetly, ‘I’d have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!’

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Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I’ll be yours forever

The guy replies: ‘Thanks for the early warning.’

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A wife asked her husband: ‘What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?’

He looked at her from head to toe and replied: ‘I like your sense of humor!’

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A little boy wanted Rs.50 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened.

Finally he decided to write God a letter requesting the Rs.50.

When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, INDIA, they decided to forward
it to the President of the India as a joke.

The President was so amused, that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy Rs.20.

The President thought this would appear to be a lot of money (Rs.50) to a little boy,
and he did not want to spoil the kid.

The little boy was delighted with Rs.20, and decided to write a thank you note to God,
which read:

“Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money.
However, I noticed that you sent it through the
Rashtrapati Bhavan in New Delhi , and those donkeys deducted Rs.30 as tax … “

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HE: I’m a photographer I’ve been looking for a face like yours!
SHE: I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like
yours

HE: May I have the pleasure of this dance?
SHE: No, I’d like to have some pleasure too !

HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE: I must have been given your share !

HE: Will you come out with me this Saturday?
SHE: Sorry! I’m having a headache this weekend !

HE: Go on, don’t be shy. Ask me out!
SHE: Okay, get out!

HE: I think I could make you very happy
SHE: Why? Are you leaving?

HE: What would you say if I asked u to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time!

HE: Can I have your name?
SHE: Why, don’t you already have one?

HE: Shall we go and see a film?
SHE: I’ve already seen it!

HE: Do you think it was fate that brought us together?
SHE: Nah, it was plain bad luck !

HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Hiding from you.

HE: Haven’t I seen you someplace before?
SHE: Yes, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.

HE: Is this seat empty?
SHE: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down .

HE: So, what do you do for a living?
SHE: I’m a female impersonator.

HE: Hey baby, what’s your sign?
SHE: Do not enter.

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Hi………. ……. Trust the fact???????? ??
This is a real story of a young girl who
passed away last month
in Chandigarh . Her name was Priya. She was hit by a
truck.

She was working in a call centre. She has a boy friend
named Shankar .
Both of them are true lovers. They always hang on the
phone.You can
never see her without her handphone. In fact she
also changed her phone
from Airtel to Hutch, so both of them can be on the
same network, and save on the cost.

She spends half of the day talking with shankar .
Priya’s family knows about their relationship. Shankar

is very close with Priya’s family. (just imagine their
love) . Before she passed away shealways told her
friends “If I pass away please burn me with my
handphone” she also said the same thing to her
parents.

After her death, people cudnt carry her body, I was
there. A lot of
them tried to do so but still cant , everybody
including me, had tried to carry the body, the result
is still the same. Eventually, they called a person
who know to one of their neighbours, who can speak
with the soul of dead person, who is a friend of her
father.

He took a stick and started speaking to himself
slowly…

After a few minutes, he said “this girl misses
something here.” Then her
friends told that person about her intentions to burn
her with her phone..
He then opened the grave box and place her phone and
sim card inside the
casket. After that they tried to carry the body. It
could be moved and
they carried it into the van easily.

All of us were shocked. Priya’s parents did not inform

Shankar that
Priya had passed away.

 

After 2 weeks Shankar called Priya’s mom…..

Shankar :….”Aunty, I’m coming home today. Cook
something nice for me.
Dont tell Priya that I’m coming home today, I wanna
surprise her.”
Her mother replied….. “You come home first, I wanna
tell you
something very important.”

After he came, they told him the truth about Priya.
Shankar thinks
that they were playing a fool. He was laughing and
said “dont try to
fool me – tell Priya to come out, i have a gift for
her. Please stop
this nonsense”.

Then they show him the original death certificate to
him.
They gave him proof to make him believe. (Shankar
started to sweat) He
said… “Its not true. We spoke yesterday. She still
calls me.
Shankar was shaking.

Suddenly, Shankar’s phone rang. “see this is from
Priya, see this….”
he showed the phone to priya’s family. all of them
told him to
answer. he talked using the loudspeaker mode.

All of them heard his conversation.

Loud and clear, no cross lines, no humming.

It is the actual voice of Priya & there is no way
others could use her
sim card since it is nailed.
Inside the grave box they were so shocked and asked
for the same person’s
(who can speak with the soul of deal perosns) help
again. He brought his
master to solve this matter.

 

He & his master

 
worked for 5 hours.

 

Then they discovered one thing which really shocked
them…

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Hutch has the best coverage. Where ever you go, our network follows!!!

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EFFECTIVE NOVEMBER 1, 2008   NEW OFFICE POLICY

Dress Code:
1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.

2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.

3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.

4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise

Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor’s statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work .

Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year.  They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin boa rd under the ‘Chronic Offenders’category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company’s mental health policy.

Lunch Break: (Love this one)
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that’s all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

The Management
Pass this on to all who are still employed!

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A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss
are on their way to a meeting.
On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears.

The ghost says,
“Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three,
I will allow one wish each”

So the eager senior manager shouted,
“I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries.”
Pfufffff. and he was gone.
Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted “I want to be In Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails.” Pfufffff. and he was also gone.
The boss calmly said,
“I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch at 12.35pm.”

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