An ingenious example of speech and politics occurred recently in the
United Nations Assembly that made the world community
smile……………………
A representative from India began: ‘Before beginning my talk I want to
tell you something about Rishi Kashyap of Kashmir, after whom Kashmir is
named.
When he struck a rock and it brought forth water, he thought, ‘What a
good opportunity to have a bath.’
He removed his clothes, put them aside on the rock and entered the
water.
When he got out and wanted to dress, his clothes had vanished. A
Pakistani had stolen them.’
The Pakistani representative jumped up furiously and shouted, ‘What are
you talking about? The Pakistanis weren’t there then.’
The Indian representative smiled and said, ‘And now that we have made
that clear, I will begin my speech.’
And they say Kashmir belongs to
them……………………………………….
“Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams If I didn’t drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself,”It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.”~ Jack Handy
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning,that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day. “
~Frank Sinatra
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.”
~ Henny Youngman
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not.”
~ Stephen Wright
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let’s all get drunk and go to heaven!”
~ Brian O’Rourke
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.”
~ Benjamin Franklin
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer.Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.”
~ Dave Barry
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To some it’s a six-pack, to me it’s a Support Group. Salvation in a can!
~ Dave Howell
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite s e x without spitting.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers. One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm.
Here’s how it went:
“Well ya see, Norm, it’s like this… A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the! slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way,regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That’s why you alwaysfeel smarter after a few beers.”
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
Some of funny lettersLearn how to write leave letters from the following examples: This is a collection of leave letters and applications written by people in various places of India …
1. Infosys, Bangalore: An employee applied for leave as follows: Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave.
2. This is from Oracle Bangalore: >From an employee who was performing the “mundan” ceremony of his 10 year old son: “as I want to shave my son’s head, please leave me for two days..”
3. Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter’s wedding: “as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week’s leave..”
4. From H.A.L. Administration dept: “As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave.”
5. Another employee applied for half day leave as follows: “Since I’ve to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clocks and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave”
6. An incident of a leave letter “I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday.”
7. A leave letter to the headmaster: “As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today”
8. Another leave letter written to the headmaster: “As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day.”
9. Covering note: “I am enclosed herewith…”
10. Another one: “Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below…”
11. Actual letter written for application of leave:
“My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave”.
12. Letter writing: - “I am in well here and hope you are also in the same well.”
13. A candidate’s job application:
“This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ‘ Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female’… As I am both (!!)For the past several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am applying for the post.
