Funny Emails And Funny Cell Phone Forwards and a bit of Self Improvement Tips For Smart Teenagers
Funny Emails And Funny Cell Phone Forwards and a bit of Self Improvement Tips For Smart Teenagers

A CORK radio station was running a competition - ords that weren’t in the dictionary yet could still be used in sentence that would make logical sense.

The prize was a trip to Bali.

DJ: “96FM here, what’s your name?”
Caller: “Hi, me name’s Dave.”
DJ: “Dave, what’s your name?”
Caller: “Goan… spelt G-O-A-N, pronounced ‘go-an’.”
DL: “… You are correct, Dave, ‘goan’ is not in the dictionary. Now, for a trip to Bali: What sentence can you use that word in that would make sense?”
Caller: “Goan f**k yourself!”

The DJ cut the caller short and took other calls, all unsuccessful until:

DJ: “96FM, what’s your name?”
Caller: “Sme… spelt S-M-E-E, pronounced ’smee’.”
DJ: “… You are correct, Jeff, ’smee’ is not in the dictionary. Now, for a trip to Bali: What sentence can you use that word in that would make sense?”
Caller: “Smee again! Goan F**k yourself!”

Hi All,
You are going to love Indian men for thinking this way!!! Really worth
the read…one of the BEST e-mails I’ve received in a long time!!

It seems that an article was written to a well-founded magazine, by an
English woman who requested a response from Indian men. I’m so glad she got
what she asked for (and more)!!!

This letter was written in response to the following article:

Dear Editor:

I’m sorry but I would like to challenge some of your Indian male readers. I
am a White female who is engaged to an Indian male, good-looking, educated
and loving. I just don’t understand a lot of Indian female’s attitudes
about our relationship. My man decided he wanted me because the pickings
amongst Indian women were slim to none. As he said they were either
too fat, too loud, too mean, too argumentative, too needy, too
materialistic or carrying too much excess baggage. Before I became engaged,
whenever I went out I was constantly approached by Indian men, willing to
wine and dine me and give me the world If Indian women are so up in arms
about us being with their men, why don’t they look at themselves and make
some changes. I am tired of the dirty looks I get and snide remarks when
we’re out in public. I would like to hear from some Indian men about why we
white women are so appealing and coveted by them. Bryant Gumbel just left
his wife of 26 years for one of us. Charles Barkley, Scottie Pippen, the
model Tyson Beckford, Montell Williams, Quincy Jones, James Earl Jones,
Harry Belafonte, Sydney Poitier, Kofi Anan, Cuba Gooding Jr., Don
Cornelius,Berry Gordy, BillyBlanks, Larry Fishburne, Jesley Snipes…I
could go on and on.
But,right now, I’m a little angry and that is why I wrote this so
hurriedly. Don’t be mad with us White women because so many of your men
want us.

Get your acts together and learn from us and we may lead you to treat your
men better. If I’m wrong, Indian men, let me know.

Disgusted White Girl, Somewhere in VA.

—————————————————————–

The Response:

Dear Editor:

I would like to respond to the letter written by A Disgusted White Girl.

Let me start by saying that I am a 28-year old Indian man. I studied from
one of the most prestigious universities in Atlanta, Georgia with a
Bachelor of Arts Degree in Business Management. I have a good job at a
major corporation and have recently purchased a house. So, I consider
myself to be among the ranks of successful Non-White men. I will not use my
precious time to slander white people. I just want to set the record
straight of why Indian men date white women.

Back in the day, one of the biggest reasons why Indian men dated white
women was because they were considered easy. The Indian girls in my
neighborhood were raised traditionally. They were very strict about when
they lost their virginity and who they lost it to. Because of our
impatience to wait, brothers would look for someone who would give it up
easy without too much hassle. So, they turned to the white girls. Nowadays,
in my opinion, a lot of Indian males date white women because they are
docile and easy to control. A lot of Indian men, because of insecurities,
fears, and overall weaknesses, have become intimidated by the strength of
our Indian women. We are afraid that our woman will be more successful than
us, make more money than us, drive nicer cars and own bigger houses.
Because of this fear, many Indian men look for a more docile woman. Someone
we can control. I have talked to numerous Indian men and they continuously
comment on how easy it is to control and walk over their white women.

I just want to set the record straight. I want A Disgusted White Girl to
know that not all successful Indian men date white women. Non-Whites like
Ahmad Rashad, Denzel Washington, Michael Jordan, Morris Chestn! ut,Will
Smith, Blair Underwood, Kenneth ‘Babyface’ Edmonds, Samuel L. Jackson, and
Chris Rock all married strong Non-White women. And, to flip the script,
there are numerous white men, in and out of the spot light, who openly or
secretly desire Non-White women over white women. Ted Danson, Robert
DeNiro, and David Bowie to name a few. I just don’t want the ‘Disgusted
White Girl’ to be misinformed.

Stop thinking that because you are white that you are some type of goddess.
Remember, when Non-White Egyptian Queens like Hatsepshut and Nitorcris were
ruling Dynasties and armies of men in Egypt, you were over in the caves of
Europe eating raw meat and beating each other over the head with clubs.
Read your history! It was the Non-White woman that taught you how to cook
and season your food. It was the Non-White woman that taught you how to
raise your children. It was Non-White women who were raising
your babies during slavery. It is the Non-White woman that had to endure
watching their fathers, husbands, and children beaten, killed, and thrown
in jail.

Indian women were born with two strikes against them: being Non-White and
being a woman. And, through all this, Still They Rise!

It is because of the Indian women’s strength, elegance, power, love and
beauty that I could never date anyone except my Indian Queen. It is not
just the outer beauty that captivates and draws me to them. It is not the
fact that they come in all shapes, sizes, colours and shades that I love
them. Their inner beauty is what I find most appealing about Indian women.
Their strong spirit, loving and nurturing souls, their integrity, their ability
to overcome great obstacles, their willingness to stand for what they
believe in, and their determination to succeed and reach their highest
potential while enduring great pain and suffering is why I have fallen in
love with Indian women.

I honestly believe that your anger is geared more toward jealousy and envy
than snotty looks. If this were not so, then why do you continuously go to
tanning salons to darken your skin. If you are so proud to be white, then
why don’t you just be happy with your pale skin? Why do you continue to
inject your lips unnatural and dangerous substances
so you can look fuller and more voluptuous? I think that your anger is
really a result of you wanting to have what the Non-White woman has.

BOTTOM LINE: If I were looking for a docile woman, someone I can walk over
and control, I would give you a call. But, unfortunately, I am looking for
a Virtuous Woman. Someone that can be a good wife and mother to my
children. Someone who can be my best friend and understand my struggles. I
am looking for a soul mate and; unfortunately, you do not and CANNOT fit
the bill.

No offense taken, none given.
Signed,
Indian Royalty.

You’ll love this! Math does have some practical uses…

Here is a little something someone sent me that is indisputable mathematical logic. (It also made me Laugh Out Loud.)
Remember, this is a strictly mathematical viewpoint. It goes like this:

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.
How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here’s a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that while Hardwork and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, its the Bullshit and Ass kissing that will put you over the top.

This ones really hillarious Watch this video :

http://www.worldsgreatestbusinessmind.com/20081216-Gautam-%20-create.html&WT.mc_id=WGBM|Create

If you were wondering who ‘Gautam’ is, he is a partner who helps me run this site.

Now if you want to be the Worlds Greatest Business Mind, all you need to do is replace ‘Gautam’ with your name in the URL above… And that’s it !

Enjoy !

During a surprise visit to Baghdad, president bush was beaten in shoes by a journalist.

This shows how famous Bush is and what respect he holds in a journalists eyes.

You can watch the video here.

Leave your comments in the comment section

This has to be the joke of the day :

…I’ve been an economics student, so all my life I’ve been very clear on the way I price myself as a movie star. I’m the cheapest movie star in the country……

Read rest of the entry here.

Find your birthday and then find your tree. This is really cool and some what accurate, also in line with Celtic astrology. (Thanks ‘Wandering Cloud’ for submitting this)

Dec 23 to Dec 31 - Apple Tree
Jan 01 to Jan 11 - Fir Tree
Jan 12 to Jan 24 - Elm Tree
Jan 25 to Feb 03 - Cypress Tree
Feb 04 to Feb 08 - Poplar Tree
Feb 09 to Feb 18 - Cedar Tree
Feb 19 to Feb 28 - Pine Tree
Mar 01 to Mar 10 - Weeping Willow Tree
Mar 11 to Mar 20 - Lime Tree
Mar 21 - Oak Tree
Mar 22 to Mar 31 - Hazelnut Tree
Apr 01 to Apr 10 - Rowan Tree
Apr 11 to Apr 20 - Maple Tree
Apr 21 to Apr 30 - Walnut Tree
May 01 to May 14 - Poplar Tree
May 15 to May 24 - Chestnut Tree
May 25 to Jun 03 - Ash Tree
Jun 04 to Jun 13 - Hornbeam Tree
Jun 14 to Jun 23 - Fig Tree
Jun 24 - Birch Tree
Jun 25 to Jul 04 - Apple Tree
Jul 05 to Jul 14 - Fir Tree
Jul 15 to Jul 25 - Elm Tree
Jul 26 to Aug 04 - Cypress Tree
Aug 05 to Aug 13 - Poplar Tree
Aug 14 to Aug 23 - Cedar Tree
Aug 24 to Sep 02 - Pine Tree
Sep 03 to Sep 12 - Weeping Willow Tree
Sep 13 to Sep 22 - Lime Tree
Sep 23 - Olive Tree
Sep 24 to Oct 03 - Hazelnut Tree
Oct 04 to Oct 13 - Rowan Tree
Oct 14 to Oct 23 - Maple Tree
Oct 24 to Nov 11 - Walnut Tree
Nov 12 to Nov 21 - Chestnut Tree
Nov 22 to Dec 01 - Ash Tree
Dec 02 to Dec 11 - Hornbeam Tree
Dec 12 to Dec 21 - Fig Tree
Dec 22 - Beech Tree

APPLE TREE (the Love) - of slight build, lots of charm, appeal, and attraction, pleasant aura, flirtatious, adventurous, sensitive, always in love, wants to love and beloved, faithful and tender partner, very generous, scientific talents, lives for today, a carefree philosopher with imagination.

ASH TREE (the Ambition) - uncommonly attractive, vivacious, impulsive, demanding, does not care for criticism, ambitious, intelligent, talented, likes to play with fate, can be egotistic, very reliable and trustworthy, faithful and prudent lover, sometimes brains rule over the heart, but takes partnership very seriously.

BEECH TREE (the Creative) - has good taste, concerned about its looks, materialistic, good organization of life and career, economical, good leader, takes no unnecessary risks, reasonable, splendid lifetime companion, keen on keeping fit (diets, sports, etc.)

BIRCH TREE (the inspiration) - vivacious, attractive, elegant, friendly, unpretentious, modest, does not like anything in excess, abhors the vulgar, loves life in nature and in calm, not very passionate, full of imagination, little ambition, creates a calm and content atmosphere.

CEDAR TREE (the Confidence) - of rare beauty, knows how to adapt, Likes luxury, of good health, not in the least shy, tends to look down on others, self-confident, determined, impatient, likes to impress others, many talents, industrious, healthy optimism, waiting for the one true love, able to make quick decisions.

CHESTNUT TREE (the Honesty) - of unusual beauty ,does not want to impress, well-developed sense of justice, vivacious, interested, a born diplomat, but irritates easily and sensitive in company, often due to a lack of self confidence, acts sometimes superior, feels not understood loves only once, has difficulties in finding a partner.

CYPRESS TREE (the Faithfulness) - strong, muscular, adaptable, takes what life has to give, content, optimistic, craves money and acknowledgment, hates loneliness, passionate lover which cannot be satisfied, faithful, quick-tempered, unruly, pedantic, and careless.

ELM TREE (the Noble-mindedness) - pleasant shape, tasteful clothes, Modest demands, tends not to forgive mistakes, cheerful, likes to lead but not to obey, honest and faithful partner, likes making decisions for others, noble-minded, generous, good sense of humor, practical.

FIG TREE (the Sensibility) - very strong, a bit self-willed, independent, does not allow contradiction or arguments, loves life, its Family, children and animals, a bit of a social butterfly, good sense of humor, likes idleness and laziness, of practical talent and intelligence.

FIR TREE (the Mysterious) - extraordinary taste, dignity, sophisticated, loves anything beautiful, moody, stubborn, tends to egoism but cares for those close to them, rather modest, very ambitious, talented, industrious, uncontented lover, many friends, many foes, very reliable.

HAZELNUT TREE (the Extraordinary) - charming, undemanding, very understanding, knows how to make an impression, active fighter for social cause, popular, moody, and capricious lover, honest, and tolerant partner, precise sense of judgment.

HORNBEAM TREE (the Good Taste) - of cool beauty, cares for its looks and condition, good taste, is not egoistic, makes life as comfortable as possible, leads a reasonable and disciplined life, looks for kindness and acknowledgement in an emotional partner, dreams of unusual lovers, is seldom happy with its feelings, mistrusts most people, is never sure of its decisions, very conscientious.

LIME TREE (the Doubt) - accepts what life did way, hates fighting, stress, and labor, dislikes laziness and idleness, soft and relenting, makes sacrifices for friends, many talents but not tenacious enough to make them blossom, often wailing and complaining, very jealous but loyal.

MAPLE TREE (Independence of Mind) - no ordinary person, full of imagination and originality, shy and reserved, ambitious, proud, sef-confident, hungers for new experiences, sometimes nervous, has many complexities, good memory, learns easily, complicated love life wants to impress.

OAK TREE (the Brave) - robust nature, courageous, strong, unrelenting, independent, sensible, does not like change, keeps its feet on the ground, person of action.

OLIVE TREE (the Wisdom) - loves sun, warmth and kind feelings, reasonable, balanced, avoids aggression and violence, tolerant, cheerful, calm, well-developed sense of justice, sensitive, empathetic, free of jealousy, loves to read and the company of sophisticated people.

PINE TREE ( the particular) - loves agreeable company, very robust, knows how to make life comfortable, very active, natural, good companion, but seldom friendly, falls easily in love but its passion burns out quickly, gives up easily, everything disappointments until it finds its ideal, trustworthy, practical.

POPLAR TREE (the Uncertainty) - looks very decorative, not very self-confident, only courageous if necessary, needs goodwill and pleasant surroundings, very choosy, often lonely, great animosity, artistic nature, good organizer, tends to lean toward philosophy, reliable in any situation, takes partnership seriously.

ROWAN TREE (the Sensitivity) - full of charm, cheerful, gifted without egoism, likes to draw attention, loves life, motion, unrest, and even complications, is both dependent and independent, good taste, artistic, passionate, emotional, good company, does not forgive.WALNUT TREE (the Passion) - unrelenting, strange and full of contrasts, often egotistic, aggressive, noble, broad horizon, unexpected reactions, spontaneous, unlimited ambition, no flexibility, difficult and uncommon partner, not always liked but often admired, ingenious strategist, very jealous and passionate, no compromise.

WEEPING WILLOW (the Melancholy) - beautiful but full of melancholy, attractive, very empathetic, loves anything beautiful and tasteful, loves to travel, dreamer, restless, capricious, honest, can be influenced but is not easy to live with, demanding, good intuition, suffers in love but finds sometimes an anchoring partner.

1. Coca-Cola was originally green.

2. The most common name in the world is Mohammed.

3. The name of all the continents ends with the same letter that they start with.

4. The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

5. There are two credit cards for every person in the United States .

6. TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters
only on one row of the keyboard.

7. Women blink nearly twice as much as men!

8. You can’t kill yourself by holding your breath..

9. It is impossible to lick your elbow.

10. People say “Bless you” when you sneeze because when you
Sneeze, your heart stops for a millisecond.

11. It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.

12. The “sixth sick sheik’s sixth sheep’s sick” is said to be the
toughest tongue twister in the English language.

13. If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to

Suppress a sneeze; you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck
and die.

14. Each king in a deck of playing cards represents great king from
History. “Spades” - King David; “Clubs” - Alexander the Great;
” Hearts” - Charlemagne; “Diamonds” - Julius Caesar.

15. 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987, 654,321

16. If a statue of a warrior on a horse has both front legs
in the air, the person died in battle. If the
horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle.
If the horse has a all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural
causes.

17. What do bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and
laser printers all have in common?
Ans. - All invented by women.

18. Honey - This is the only food that doesn’t spoil.

19. A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.

20. A snail can sleep for three years.

21. All polar bears are left handed.

22. American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive
from each salad served in first-class.

23. Butterflies taste with their feet.

24. Elephants are the only animals that can’t jump.

25. In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.

26. On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.

27. Shakespeare invented the word ‘assassination’ and ‘bump’.

28. Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand.

29. The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.

30. The electric chair was invented by a dentist.

31. The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the
body to squirt blood 30 feet.

32. Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over
million descendants.

33. Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in
your ear by 700 times.

34. The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.

35. Most lipstick contains fish scales.

36. Like fingerprints, everyone’s tongue print is different

Recent research shows that there are 7 kinds of sex:

The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex. This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone and you both have sex until you are blue in the face.

The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are still so horny you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.

The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.

The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say “screw you.”

The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex, which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night.

The 6th kind is called Courtroom Sex. This is when you cannot stand each other any more. She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.

And last, but not least, the 7th kind of sex is called: Social Security Sex. You get a little from time-to-time, but not enough to live on.