The ghost says,
“Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three,
I will allow one wish each”

So the eager senior manager shouted,
“I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries.”
Pfufffff. and he was gone.
Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted “I want to be In Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails.” Pfufffff. and he was also gone.
The boss calmly said,
“I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch at 12.35pm.”

*******

Sardar at bar in New York.
Man on his right says “Johny Walker single”
Man on his left says “Peter Scotch single”
Sardar says - “Baljith Singh Married”

*******
Boss : I am giving u job as a driver. STARTING salary Rs.2000/-, is it o.k
Sardar : U R great sir! Starting salary is o.k…….but? ?
How much is DRIVING salary…?

*******

Sardar’s theory : Moon is more impt than Sun, coz it gives light at night when light is needed
& Sun gives light during the day when light is not needed!!!

*******

2 sardars are driving a Car, one puts on the indicator and asks the other to check whether its working,
He puts his head out and says YES…NO…YES. ..NO…YES. ..NO…

*******

There is this guy
(Management guru)
in his late forties
who works as an unofficial agent
for handling railway parcel goods both coming in and going out.
I have been observing this character
for the last eight years
and I wonder with
what alacrity he manages the show.
He is a school dropout,
wears a rustic look and is a down-to-earth person.
He possesses all the characteristics
of a corporate CEO.
Please wait while images are being loaded…..
He has five to six loyal chaps to assist him,
a fleet of autos and trolley rickshaws
for transporting goods.

I do not know
the personal chemistry between him and his staff,
but all of them are very loyal to him.
He knows his job thoroughly
— he can make out the contents of a parcel,
its destination, its value and its tax component.
No parcel can come in or go out at the station
without his knowledge.

No parcel is ever misplaced, lost or wrongly delivered.
Nobody has ever complained about his service.
He collects his commission also with equal ease.
His information network is one of the best
I have ever seen.
Apart from his own trade,
he keeps the latest information from
all around the world like the US presidential election
to capitation fee of a particular engineering college.
He maintains an excellent rapport with
all government departments relating to his trade.
He keeps the local musclemen in good humour
for the smooth flow of his trade and to keep rivals at bay.
He has a positive frame of mind,
full of energy and vigour with new ideas to solve problems.
He has a good sense of humour as well.
Overall,
he is a good soul,
helpful and highly religious.
He observes all pujas and festivals
with utmost sincerity.
He will go on lecturing on religious topics.
No one will return without having a cup of tea with him.
If a known person happens to board a train,
he will see that the person
is comfortably seated in the train.
He will give a bottle of mineral water
and some eatables for the journey without fail.

Similarly,
if he happens to see
an acquaintance alighting from the train,
he will ensure that the person reaches home safely
in one of his autorickshaws.

He donates money generously
to temples, pujas and charity,
which is quite akin to corporate social responsibility.
By doing all these he has earned
a lot of goodwill from the people around.
Therefore whenever he is in need,
help automatically reaches him.

I often wonder that here is a person without
any formal education who is able to develop
a comprehensive and flexible system for achieving,
sustaining and maximising business success.
He has achieved with his simple management tricks
what an IIM educated manager will find difficult to achieve.
He tells the story of his life
— his path from rags to riches after taking a couple of drinks.
He has shown that
real leadership
is not about prestige, power or status.
It is about responsibility.
There is a lot to learn from this
ever happy and smiling management guru.

2) U may have AIRTEL or BSNL connection but when u
sneeze u ll say HUTCH

3 ) U can bcome an engineer if u study in
engineering college. U cannot bcom a president if
u studies in Presidency College

4 ) U can expect a BUS from a BUS stop … u
cannot expect a FULL from FULL stop

5) A mechanical engineer can bcom a mechanic but a
software engineer cannot bcom a software

6 ) U can find tea in teacup. But cannot find world
in world cup

7) U can find keys in Keyboard but u cannot find mother in motherboard.

You have two cows in Vijayawada . You hook them to internet and milk them from Hyderabad .

Jayalalithaism

You have two cows. You teach them to cry,’Ammaaaaaaa…’ and fall at your feet.

Karunanidhiism

You have two cows. You give one to your son and the other to your nephew ..

Gandhism

You have two cows. But you drink goat’s milk.

Indiraism

You have two bulls. You adamantly consider them as cows.

Lalooism

You have two cows. You buy Rs. 900 Crore worth of cattlefeed for them.

Rajnikantism

* You have two cows. You throw them into air and catch their milk in your mouth.

Santaism

You have two cows. You paint them both to get colourful milk.

Softwarism: (Ultimate….)

Client has 2 cows and u need to milk them.

1 .. First prepare a document when to milk them (Project kick off)

2 .. Prepare a document how long you have to milk them (Project plan)

3 .. Then prepare how to milk them (Design)

4 .. Then prepare what other accessories are needed to milk them

(Framework)

5 .. Then prepare a 2 dummy cows (sort of toy cows) and show to client

the way in which u will milk them (UI Mockups & POC)

6 .. If client is not satisfied then redo from step 2

7 You actually start milking them and find that there are few problem with accessories. (Change framework)

8 .. Redo step 4

9 .. At last milk them and send it to onsite. (Coding over)

10. Make sure that cow milks properly ( Testing)

11. Onsite reports that it is not milking there.

12. You break your head and find that onsite is trying to milk from bulls

13. At last onsite milk them and send to client (Testing)

14. Client says the quality of milk is not good. (User Acceptance Test)

15. Offsite then slogs and improves the quality of milk

16. Now the client says that the quality is good but its milking at slow rate (performance issue)

17. Again you slog and send it with good performance.

18. Client is happy???

By this time both the COWs aged and cant milk.

(The software got old and get ready for next release repeat from step 1) !!!!!

Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered ‘1′
ON PURPOSE!

1.   Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem  only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem.

See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are.
Don’t ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the  other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did  NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say ‘nothing,’ We will act like nothing’s wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, Expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.  Really .

1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

1. But did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping.

1. All points are marked as point no. (1), becoz all points are equally Important.

There is no thing as More Important or less Important.

Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh

2> There’s no need to look for help outside when within us lies the inexhaustible storage of will power — Remember you are the master of your fate, so gear up and rule your life.

3> Leaf which falls from tree is at the mercy of the wind, it goes wherever wind takes it. Be the Wind to Drive others and not the leaf to be Driven by others.

4> Life’s like this — Just when we get all the answers of Life… Life changes the question.

5> Success is not final, failure is not fatal, it is the courage to continue that counts - W. Churchill

6> One often meets his destiny in the path he takes to avoid it - Kungfu Panda

7> Most of us miss out on life’s big awards — The Piltizer, The Nobel, Oscars, Tony, Grammys … But we are all eligible for life’s small pleasures.. A pat on the back, A good word, A hug, A full moon, A glorious sunset, A thank you n so on…

So don’t regret about missing life’s grand rewards, Enjoy its tiny delights.

8> It’s very easy to recollect the past precious moments with out lovable ones. But it’s not easy to forget the lovable one who made the moment precious.

9> You truly cannot afford the luxury of even one negative thought. A worrisome thought is like an embryo, it starts off small but frows and grow.s Soon it takes on a life of it’s own. Stop feeding what dosen’t serve you ! Your thoughts form your world, what you foucs on shapes you destiny.

“Oh no! It’s so late. My wife’s going to kill me. Have you got any talcum powder?” She gives him some talcum powder, which he precedes to rub on his hands and then goes home. His wife is waiting for him in the doorway and she is pretty angry.

“Where have you been?” Well, honey, it’s like this. I went to the store like you asked, but they were closed. So I went to the bar to use the vending machine. I saw this great looking girl there and we had a few drinks and one thing led to another and I ended up in bed with her.

“Oh yeah? Let me see your hands!”
She sees his hands are covered with powder and says…
“You big fat liar!!! You were playing pool again !!!

Moral of the story:
(1) Always tell your wife the truth.
(2) She will never believe you anyway.
(3) At least your conscience will be clear .

Formation of Male / Female brains

Cell Migration Scientific Author Unknown

All babies start out with the same number of raw cells which, over nine months, develop into a complete female baby.

The problem occurs when cells are instructed by the little chromosomes to make a male baby instead.

Because there are only so many cells to go around, the cells necessary to develop a male’s reproductive organs have to come from cells already assigned elsewhere in the female.

Recent tests have shown that these cells are removed from the communications centre of the brain, migrate lower in the body and develop into male sexual organs.

If you visualize a normal brain to be similar to a full deck of cards, this means that males are born a few cards short, so to speak. And some of their cards are in their shorts.

This difference between the male and female brain manifests itself in various ways.

Little girls will tend to play things like house or learn to read.

Little boys, however, will tend to do things like placing a bucket over their heads and running into walls.

Little girls will think about doing things before taking any action.

Little boys will just punch or kick something and will look surprised if someone asks them why they just punched their little brother who was half asleep and looking the other way.

This basic cognitive difference continues to grow until puberty, when the hormones kick into action and the trouble really begins. After puberty, not only the size of the male and female brains differs, but the centre of thought also differs

Women think with their heads.

Male thoughts often originate lower in their bodies where their ex-brain cells reside.

Of course, the size of this problem varies from man to man.

In some men only a small number of brain cells migrate and they are left with nearly full mental capacity but they tend to be rather dull, sexually speaking.

Such men are known in medical terms as “Accountants.”

Other men suffer larger brain cell relocation. These men are medically referred to as “Engineers.”

A small number of men suffer massive brain cell migration to their groins.

These men are usually referred to as…..

“Mr. President”