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Formation of Male / Female brains

Cell Migration Scientific Author Unknown

All babies start out with the same number of raw cells which, over nine months, develop into a complete female baby.

The problem occurs when cells are instructed by the little chromosomes to make a male baby instead.

Because there are only so many cells to go around, the cells necessary to develop a male’s reproductive organs have to come from cells already assigned elsewhere in the female.

Recent tests have shown that these cells are removed from the communications centre of the brain, migrate lower in the body and develop into male sexual organs.

If you visualize a normal brain to be similar to a full deck of cards, this means that males are born a few cards short, so to speak. And some of their cards are in their shorts.

This difference between the male and female brain manifests itself in various ways.

Little girls will tend to play things like house or learn to read.

Little boys, however, will tend to do things like placing a bucket over their heads and running into walls.

Little girls will think about doing things before taking any action.

Little boys will just punch or kick something and will look surprised if someone asks them why they just punched their little brother who was half asleep and looking the other way.

This basic cognitive difference continues to grow until puberty, when the hormones kick into action and the trouble really begins. After puberty, not only the size of the male and female brains differs, but the centre of thought also differs

Women think with their heads.

Male thoughts often originate lower in their bodies where their ex-brain cells reside.

Of course, the size of this problem varies from man to man.

In some men only a small number of brain cells migrate and they are left with nearly full mental capacity but they tend to be rather dull, sexually speaking.

Such men are known in medical terms as “Accountants.”

Other men suffer larger brain cell relocation. These men are medically referred to as “Engineers.”

A small number of men suffer massive brain cell migration to their groins.

These men are usually referred to as…..

“Mr. President”

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer.

Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, “Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.”

The man said, “Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want.”

The Lord said, “Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that would honor and glorify me.”

The man thought about it for a long time.

Finally he said, “Lord, I wish that I could understand my girl friend. I want to know how she feels inside, what she’s thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing’s wrong, and how I can make a woman truly Happy.”

The Lord replied, “You want 2 lanes or 4 lanes on that bridge?”

Ramayana - narrated by a American teenage dude… Do read it………………….

A young second generation Indian in the US was asked by his mother to explain the significance of “Diwali” to his younger brother, this is how he went about it…

“So, like this dude had, like, a big cool kingdom and people liked him. But, like, his step-mom, or something, was kind of a bitch, and she forced her husband to, like, send this cool-dude, he was Ram, to some national forest or something… Since he was going,
for like, something like more than 10 years or so.. he decided to get his wife and his bro along… you know…so that they could all chill out together.

But Dude, the forest was reeeeal scary shit… really man…they had monkeys and devils and shit like that. But
this dude, Ram, kicked with darts and bows and arrows… so it was fine.

But then some bad gangsta boys, some jerk called Ravan, picks up his babe (Sita) and lures her away to his hood. And boy, was our man, and also his bro, Laxman, pissed….. all the gods were with him… So anyways, you don’t mess with gods. So, Ram, and his bro get an army of monkeys.. Dude, don’t ask me how they trained the damn monkeys… just go along with me, ok…

so, Ram, Lax and their monkeys whip this gangsta’s ass in his own hood.
Anyways, by this time, their time’s up in the forest..and anyways…it gets kinda boring,you know… no TV or malls or shit like that. So,they decided to hitch a ride back home… and when the people realize that our dude, his bro and the wife are back home… they thought, well, you know, at least they deserve something nice… and they didn’t have any bars or clubs in those days… so they couldn’t take
them out for a drink, so they, like, decided to smoke and shit…and since they also had some lamps, they lit the lamps also… so it was pretty cooool…
you know with all those fireworks… Really, they even had some local band play along with the fireworks… and you know, what, dude, that was the very first, no kidding.., that was the very first music-synchronized fireworks… you know, like the 4th of July stuff, but just, more cooler and stuff, you know. And, so dude, that was how, like, this festival started.”

Ramankutty Nair, a middle aged Indian immigrant in Dallas, Texas bought a brand new convertible Porsche. He took off down the road and pushed it up to 160 MPH and was enjoying the wind blowing through his (thinning) hair.

“This is great,” he thought and accelerated to an even higher speed. But when he eventually looked in his rear-view mirror there was a Ford Crown Victoria Police Car behind him, blue lights flashing.

“I can get away from him with no problem” thought the man and he floored it some more, and flew down the road at over 210 km/ hr to escape being stopped.

Then he thought, what the hell am I doing? “I’m too old for this kind of thing” and pulled over to the side of the road, and waited for the Police car to catch up with him.

The Policeman pulled in behind the Porsche and walked up on the driver’s side.

“Sir, my Shift ends in five minutes and today is Wednesday 22 November a day before Thanksgiving ” If you can give me a good reason that I’ve never heard before as to why you were speeding, I’ll let you go.”

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The man looked back at the Policeman and said, “Last week my wife, who is from Kerala ran off with an American Policeman and I thought you were bringing her back”.  :D  

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The Policeman said, “Have a nice day, sir”  :)

The prime Minister of China called President Bush to console him after the
Attack on the Pentagon:

“I’m sorry to hear about the attack.It is a very big tragedy. But in case
you are missing any documents from the Pentagon, we have copies of
everything.”

Date:
Subject: Laloo

Laloo Prasad sent his Bio Data - to apply for a post in Microsoft
Corporation, USA.
A few days later he got this reply:

Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad,
You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further
correspondence. No phone call shall be entertained.
Thanks
Bill Gates.

Laloo prasad jumped with joy on receiving this reply. He arranged a
press conference :
“Bhaiyon aur Behno, aap ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki hum ko Amereeca
mein naukri mil gayee hai.”
Everyone was delighted. Laloo prasad continued…… “Ab hum aap sab
ko apnaa appointment Letter padkar sunaongaa ? par letter angreeze
main hai - isliyen saath-saath Hindi main translate bhee karoonga.

Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad —– Pyare Laloo prasad bhaiyya
You do not meet —– aap to miltay hee naheen ho
our requirement —– humko to zaroorat hai
Please do not send any furthur correspondance —– ab Letter vetter
bhejne ka kaouno zaroorat nahee.
No phone call —– phoonwa ka bhee zaroorat nahee hai
shall be entertained —– bahut khaatir kee jayegi.
Thanks —– aapkaa bahut bahut dhanyavad.
Bill Gates. —- Tohar Bilva.

I loved the last one. I do not understand why people fail to think practically. If only every one thought practically ….

1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail To get the position because I will have to come back to this job. Be Prepared for my mood.

2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the Office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn’t receive any response at All.

3. I will be unable to delete all the unread, emails you send me until I Return from holiday. Please be patient and your e-mail will be deleted In the order it was received.

4. Thank you for your e-mail. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 For the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your Message.

5. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is Unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try Sending again.
(The beauty of this one is that when you return, you can see how many In-duh-viduals did this over and over).

6. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in Approximately 19 weeks.

7. I’ve run away to join a different circus.

AND, FINALLY, THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE:

8. I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as ‘Margaret’ instead of ‘Phil’.

Note: Conversation ke beech, within brackets jo hai, woh.. ladka apne aap se
keh raha hai

She Gives a missed call to him….and he calls her back..

She: Hello!

He: (are yaar…pata nahi aaj kya bore karegi ) Hi …kya baat hai..?

She: kuch nahi…bas aise hi phone kiya…

He: ( Call kaha kiya?.. khali missed call to diya hai… ) oh…ok ..kya kar
rahi thi meri jaanu??

She: abhi abhi dinner khatam kiya…tum kya kar rahe the?

He: mera bhi abhi abhi dinner khatam hua.. ab….”Ladki Kyon Najaane Kyon”
sun raha hu FM par….

She: nice song..

(And then she hums a line from the song “Hum Tum”)

He: ( Saala waha koi chipkali ‘kich kich’ kar rahi hai ya …. ) hey!!!! tum
itni achchi gaati ho? mujhe pata hi nahi tha

She: *giggles*

He: Hey ek aur baar gaao na pls!

She: yaha sab so rahe hai…agar main gaaongi to sab uth jaaenge..

He: ( Correct…woh yeh samjhenge ki koi bhootni hai  … ) Come on! Please!

She: hat …I don’t sing that well

He: (  yeh to saari duniya ko pata hai… :-) ) It was really sweet. Please
gaao na dear

She: mujhe kuch ajeeb sa lagta hai jaan

He: aisa kuch bhi nahi hai jaanu…gaao na
She: tumhi keh sakte ho…

He: ( mai? saala mere ko doosra raasta nahi hai….is liye bola ) abhi tum
gaaogi ya nahi?

She: kyun pareshaan kar rahe ho?
He: Sigh! Ok

She: I don’t have that great a voice

He: ( saala gadha bhi sharma jaaye teri awaaz sunke.. ) hmmmm

She: theek hai… jab itni zid kar rahe ho… sirf ek stanza gaaungi theek
hai??

He: ( aur kya kya jhelna padega malum nahi.. ) Great!!!!

She: kaunsa gaana gaau ?

He: ( tum kuch bhi gaao…meri to aaj neend haraam hai.. )Hmmmm. ‘Mahiya’
from Awarapan?

She: Nice song. But mujhe lyrics yaad nahi hai

He: ( Text book chodke tujhe aur kya pata hai bol… ) Dhoom Machale?

She: Nahi main wohi gaana gaaungi
He: ( Tum koi bhi gaana gaao….mere kaan to pakne waale hai ) Cool

(She clears her throat, hums a line and then)

She: Nahi jaan. I am feeling very shy!

He: Gaao na…pls gaao na….teri awaaz ki samundar me main doob jaana
chahta hoon

She: dekho…ab tum mujhe naaraaz kar rahe ho

He: ( Maalum pada na  … phir..: ) )No no. Tum shy feel kar rahi ho
na….is liye… Trying to make u cool

She: Hmmm

He: please gaao na darling

She: main kal gaau?

He: ( Haaaaa…jaan bachi… Phut leta hoon… ) theek hai jaisi tumhaari
merzi

She: Hmmm

He: Good night

She: Good night

She: Sweet Dreams.. Take care…

He: Sweets dreams to u too…

After a while She calls Him (sorry…that never happens, she gives only a
missed call),,,,

She: Hey..sogaye the kya?

He: ( nahi…current ka aavishkaar kar raha tha… ) nahi jaan.

She: kya kar rahe ho?

He: ( raat ko kya gili danda khelna hai… ) Match dekh raha tha
She: theek hai tum match dekho

He: ( us wakt se main kya bhajiya tal raha tha… ) Hey it’s ok… purani
match hai.

She: Did u feel bad I didn’t sing?

(Since it is a tricky question, He thinks for a while)

He: (Bad ah? this was the luckiest day in my life, since you didn’t sing
:- ) Bad toh main nahi keh raha jaanu. But I want you to be comfortable
first…. tumhi ne bola ki main kal gaaungi….. So, me waiting..
(maine to socha tha ki aaj bachgaya….dhat teriki :-()

She sings 1 stanza from the song

‘Jiski aankhon me meri hi nami…..’

He: Wow. Too good!

She: jhoot….mujhe maloom hai ki meri awaaz itni achchi nahi hai

He: ( shukr hai self realization hai… :-)… ) nahi darling you really
sing well.

She: nahi..mujhe maloom hai tum bas aise hi keh rahe ho

He: ( very good.. aakhir tumne pata laga hi liya….. ) Che! Che! teri voice
agar itni buri hoti to main ab tak na sun raha hota

She: Hmmmm…theek hai. good night.. ab tum bhi so jaao..

He: ( tera gaana sunne ke baad neend kaise aayegi.. ) Good night!

She: Take care

He: You too

She: Hey….

He: ( are yaar..aaj ye nahi chodegi ,,, ) kya hai sweety? .

She: sach bataao honey..meri voice achchi hai ya nahi…
He: ( tu apni voice khud record karke sun kyon nahi leti ek baar )
sachchi… Of course.

She: sirf jhoot

He: ( iski toh… agar ab mujhe sone nahi diya toh…… ) Not at all. You
sing very well

She: Hmmm…. tum keh rahe ho to theek hi hoga. Good night.
He: Good Night!!

The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the
background checks, interviews and testing were done, there
were 3 finalists; two men and a woman. For the final test,
the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door
and handed him a gun. ‘We must know that you will
follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances.
Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair
. . . Kill her!!’ The man said, ‘You can’t be
serious. I could never shoot my wife.’ The agent said,
‘Then you’re not the right man for this job. Take
your wife and go home.’

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the
gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5
minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, ‘I
tried, but I can’t kill my wife.’ The agent said,
‘You don’t ha ve what it takes. Take your wife home.

Finally, it was the woman’s turn. She was given the
same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun
and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after
another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the
walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened
slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her
brow. ‘This gun is loaded with blanks’ she said.
‘I had to beat him to death with the chair.’

MORAL: Women are crazy. Don’t mess with them

Boss: Where were you born?
Sardar : Punjab ..
Boss : which part ?
Sardar : Kya which part ? Whole body born in Punjab .

2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car. /
Sardar 1 : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
Sardar 2 : Dont worry, I have one more.

Sardar : What is the name of your car ?
Lady : I forgot the name, but is starts with “T”.
Sardar : Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai, Tea se start hoti hai. Hamaara gaadi
petrol se start hoti hai.

Sardar was busy removing a wheel from his auto. A man asks sardar why
are you removing a wheel from your auto.
sardar : Cant you read the board. Parking is only for 2 wheeler.

Sardar got into a bus on 1st April when conductor asked for ticket. He
gave Rs.10/- and took the ticket and said April fool. I have pass…

Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the
computer. Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Sardar : Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.

On a romantic day sardar’s girlfriend asks him. Darling on our
engagement day will you give me a ring.
Sardar : Ya sure, from landline or mobile.

Doctor to patient : You will die within 2 hours. Do you want to see
any one before you die?
Patient : Yes. A good doctor.

How will you destroy a submarine full of sardars ?
Simple. Just knock the door and they will open it….

Santa apni girl friend ko I Luv U kehta hai aur gir jata hai.
Gal: Yeh kya kar rahe ho?
Santa: I’m falling in love.

Museum Administrator: That’s a 500-year-old statue u’ve broken.
Banta: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.

A man to Santa: Aao ji chess khelein
Santa: Tu chal mein sports shoes pehen kar aaya.

At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
Santa: Control yourself. Don’t cry. See that man. He has lost his
head. Is he crying?

Santa was getting bitten by mosquitoes the whole night. He got
irritated… . drank poison & said, Ab kaato saalon, sab maroge!

Banta: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
Banta: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says This is all India Radio!

NOW THE LAST TWO ULTIMATE :
In an interview, Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Santa: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. …..
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
Santa: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup…

Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Santa: Tipu’s skeleton.
Tourist: Whose that smaller skeleton next to it?
Santa: That was Tipu’s skeleton when he was child