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An Israeli doctor says ‘Medicine in my country is so advanced that we
can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him
looking for  work in six weeks.’

A German doctor says ‘That is nothing; we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in four
weeks.

A Russian doctor says ‘In my country, medicine is so advanced that we can take half a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have them both looking for work in two weeks.’

The Texas doctor, not to be outdone, says ‘You guys are way behind, we recently took a man with no brains out of Texas , put him in the White House for eight years, and now half the country is looking for work.’

Ah I bet the whole world knows about this “Meltdown Experiment” :D

My 3 year old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room.
While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so, of course, I checked my 7 month old daughter and she was clean. Then I realized that Matt had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him and he said, “No”..!
I kept thinking, Oh Lord, that child has had an accident and I didn’t have any clothes with me. Then I said, Matt, are you sure you did not have an accident?
Matt jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled…….SEE, MOM, IT’S JUST FARTS!!! While 100 people nearly choked to death on their tacos, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down to eat his food as if nothing happened. I was mortified!
Some kind elderly people made me feel a lot better when they came over and thanked Me for the best laugh they had ever had!!! Another gentleman stopped us in the parking lot as we were leaving, bent over to my son and said, Don’t worry son, My wife accuses me of the same thing all the time…..! I’ve just never had the nerve to make the point like you did.

Author Unknown, but thanks!

I’m sure the whole world knows the “God Of Cricket” - Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar.

I got a mail today which said “Sachin Dressed As A Girl” for a competition in college. Not sure if its true, coz sachin started playing international cricket when he was in school, so wonder when he went to college :D and even if he did, wonder if he really had time to take part in a fancy dress competition.

Nevertheless the little master looks interesting in his new outfit. Look at it yourself :P

Sachin Dressed As A Girl

Years ago, people who sacrificed their sleep, family, food laughter and joys of life were called soldiers…

And today they are called “Share holders” :)

… Got this message after the golbal meltdown. All markets are falling left right and center, and the golbal economic turmoil has troubled almost everyone directly or otherwise :( ..

Offlate I’ve been getting a lot of queries like “Diwali funny mails“, “Deepavali funny emails“, “diwali mails“, “deepawali emails“, “deepawali mails“, “deepavali emails“.

Well I did not have anything specific about this on my blog and thought would put up something for the readers who ended here searching for something about deepavali/diwali.

To start with, I’m sorry, I searched a lot, but could not come with any “Funny diwali / deepavali mails” :( , but I came across some good diwali SMS’s, posters and reasons to celebrate diwali. I’ll also try and get some snaps of folks enjoying bursting all the crackers on the actual day and try to post it. For now please enjoy with whatever is there in this mail :)

Deepavali

Its Deepavali ( also known as Diwali ) time in India.

Diwali is “Festival of Lights,” where the lights or lamps signify victory of good over the evil within every human being.

First lets start with 10 Reasons of Diwali Celebration:

All Indians worldwide celebrate diwali every year, but how many of them know the real reasons behind celebrating this great festive time of year? It’s not only about having fun but there are mythical reasons behind celebrating diwali.

1. Goddess Lakshmi’s Birthday: The Goddess of wealth, Lakshmi incarnated on the new moon day (amaavasyaa) of the Kartik month during the churning of the ocean (samudra-manthan), hence the association of Diwali with Lakshmi.
2. Vishnu Rescued Lakshmi: On this very day (Deepawali day), Lord Vishnu in his fifth incarnation as Vaman-avtaara rescued Lakshmi from the prison of King Bali and this is another reason of worshipping Maa Lakshmi on Diwali.
3. Krishna Killed Narakaasur: On the day preceding Diwali, Lord Krishna killed the demon king Narakaasur and rescued 16,000 women from his captivity. The celebration of this freedom went on for two days including the Diwali day as a victory festival.
4. The Return of the Pandavas: According to the great epic ‘Mahabharata’, it was ‘Kartik Amavashya’ when the Pandavas appeared from their 12 years of banishment as a result of their defeat in the hands of the Kauravas at the game of dice (gambling). The subjects who loved the Pandavas celebrated the day by lighting the earthen lamps.
5. The Victory of Lord Shri Ram: According to the epic ‘Ramayana’, it was the new moon day of Kartik when Lord Ram, Ma Sita and Lakshman returned to Ayodhya after vanquishing Ravana and conquering Lanka. The citizens of Ayodhya decorated the entire city with the earthen lamps and illuminated it like never before.
6. Coronation of Vikramaditya: One of the greatest Hindu King Vikramaditya was coroneted on the Diwali day, hence Diwali became a historical event as well.
7. Special Day for the Arya Samaj: It was the new moon day of Kartik (Diwali day) when Maharshi Dayananda, one of the greatest reformers of Hinduism and the founder of Arya Samaj attained his nirvana.
8. Special Day for the Jains: Mahavir Tirthankar, considered to be the founder of modern Jainism also attained his nirvana on Diwali day.
9. Special Day for the Sikhs: The third Sikh Guru Amar Das institutionalized Diwali as a Red-Letter Day when all Sikhs would gather to receive the Gurus blessings. In 1577, the foundation stone of the Golden Temple at Amritsar was laid on Diwali. In 1619, the sixth Sikh Guru Hargobind, who was held by the Mughal Emperor Jahengir, was released from the Gwalior fort along with 52 kings.
10. The Pope’s Diwali Speech: In 1999, Pope John Paul II performed a special Eucharist in an Indian church where the altar was decorated with Diwali lamps, the Pope had a ‘tilak’ marked on his forehead and his speech was bristled with references to the festival of light.

_____________________________________________________________

Now I came across an English Diwali-Deepavali Poem-To Love

Please forgive me if I made a mistake,
I call you and celebrate this diwali,
with you, its the only wish I make

Please Forgive me if I made a Mistake,
It will all dull, all pale,diwali without crackers,
If its your part you did not take…

Please Forgive me if I made a Mistake,
but I waited for year long, for you to celebrate,
Diwali with me, few moments just it take!

Please Forgive me if I made a Mistake,
Its more than Diwali, more than celebrations,
But its my love, which is on stake… !!!

_____________________________________________________________

And also a very good : Deepawali sms scrap - message

Is DIWALI se agli DIWALI tak apko
GHARWALI
BAHARWALI
SABJIWALI
PADOSWALI
COLLEGEWALI
DODHWALI
DILWALI
KAMWALI
FULWALI
sab ka pyar mile
HAPPY DIWALI.

:) .

_____________________________________________________________

Thats not all, I found some very interesting Deepavali Wallpapers which you can download and use ‘em on your desktop screens:

Free Diwali / Deepavali Wallpapers

Free Diwali / Deepavali Wallpapers

Free Diwali / Deepavali Wallpapers

Free Diwali / Deepavali Wallpapers

Killing English ……Have a hearty laugh!!!

Class teacher once said :
” pick up the paper and fall in the dustbin!!!”
****************************** *************
hindi teacher said….”i’m going out of the world to america ..”
****************************** *************
“..DON’T TRY TO TALK IN FRONT OF MY BACK..”
****************************** *************
dont..laugh at the back benches…otherwise teeth and all will be fallen
down…..
****************************** *************
It was very hot in the afternoon when the teacher entered.. She tried to
switch the fan on, but there was some problem. and then she said

” why is fan not oning” (ing form of on)
****************************** *************
teacher in a furious mood…

write down ur name and father of ur name!!
****************************** *************
“shhh… quiet… the principal is revolving around college”
****************************** *************
Manager  started like this

“Hi, I am Manoj, Married with two kids”
****************************** *************
“I’ll illustrate what i have in my mind” said the professor and erased the
board
****************************** *************
“will u hang that calender or else i’ll HANG MYSELF”
****************************** *************
LIBRARIAN SCOLDE ,” IF U WILL TALK AGAIN , I WILL KNEEL DOWN OUTSIDE”
****************************** *************
Chemistry HOD comes and tells us…

“My aim is to study my son and marry my daughter”
****************************** *************
Tomorrow call ur parents especially mother and father
****************************** *************
“why are you looking at the monkeys outside when i am in the class?!”
****************************** *************
Lab assistant said this when my friend wrote wrong code..

“I understand. You understand. Computer how understand??
****************************** **************
Seing the principal passing by, the teacher told the noisy class..

“Keep quiet, the principal has passed away

Sean Connery wasn’t supposed to be James Bond. Keanu Reeves wasn’t supposed to be “The One.” So, who were the original choices?

Here are 5 actors and the legendary roles they turned down:

1. THE ROLE: James Bond in “Dr. No”

WHO LET IT GET AWAY: Cary Grant

Despite being Bond producer Albert Broccoli’s best man, Grant said, “I don’t” to the offer, and Sean Connery got the role instead.

Of course, many studio executives objected to the decision, and even Bond creator Ian Fleming said Connery “wasn’t exactly what I had in mind.”

REGRETTABILITY METER: Low

By the 1960s, Cary Grant already had a spectacular film career. If he’d accepted the role (as Broccoli later revealed), it would’ve been just a one-movie deal.

2. THE ROLE: Neo in “The Matrix”

WHO LET IT GET AWAY: Will Smith turned it down to star in the forgettable action flick “Wild Wild West,” and the part went to Reeves.

REGRETTABILITY METER: Low

In an interview with Wired, Smith said, “I would have absolutely messed up ‘The Matrix.’ At that point I wasn’t smart enough as an actor to let the movie be — whereas Keanu was.”

3. THE ROLE: Vincent Vega in “Pulp Fiction”

WHO LET IT GET AWAY: Michael Madsen, who was stuck in lengthy rehearsals for “Wyatt Earp.” John Travolta got the role instead and, almost overnight, transformed from a Hollywood has-been into one of the most bankable stars in the business.

REGRETTABILITY METER: High

Madsen called “Wyatt Earp” a “big waste of time.”

4. THE ROLE: Gandalf in the “Lord of the Rings” trilogy

WHO LET IT GET AWAY: Sean Connery, who’d never read the J.R.R. Tolkien series and claimed he “didn’t understand the script.” (Can you say karma?)

REGRETTABILITY METER: High

In return for playing the role, New Line Cinema offered the Scottish actor up to 15 percent of worldwide box office receipts, which would have earned Connery more than any actor had ever been paid for a single role — as much as $400 million.

5. THE ROLES: Sundance in “Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid,” Jimmy “Popeye” Doyle in “The French Connection,” and Captain Benjamin Willard in “Apocalypse Now”

WHO LET THEM GET AWAY: Steve McQueen

REGRETTABILITY METER: Tragically high

McQueen turned down the role of Sundance simply because costar Paul Newman refused to give him top billing.

Later, McQueen declined the lead in “The French Connection” because he felt the part was too similar to the tough cop he’d played in 1968’s “Bullitt.” Gene Hackman took the part and won an Oscar for it.

And finally, in 1978, McQueen told “Apocalypse Now” director Francis Ford Coppola to shove off when he was offered the lead. McQueen’s non-negotiable asking price was $3 million; plus, he didn’t feel like spending four months shooting in the Philippine jungle.

Instead, Martin Sheen landed the role, and despite suffering a heart attack during the stressful production, he gave one of cinema’s greatest performances.

A little boy wanted Rs.50 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened.

Finally he decided to write God a letter requesting the Rs.50.

When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, INDIA, they decided to forward
it to the President of the India as a joke.

The President was so amused, that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy Rs.20.

The President thought this would appear to be a lot of money (Rs.50) to a little boy,
and he did not want to spoil the kid.

The little boy was delighted with Rs.20, and decided to write a thank you note to God,
which read:

“Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money.
However, I noticed that you sent it through the
Rashtrapati Bhavan in New Delhi , and those donkeys deducted Rs.30 as tax … “

This is hilarious!!!

http://www.bosskaboss.com/tm/index.htm

 

This is how I’d relate ‘college life’ to Indian Movies …

EXAM———— Kalyag

CLASSES Kabhi kabhi

VIVA– Encounter

EXAMINATION HALL -Chamber of secrets

EXAMINER- Mrityudata

COURSES - Godzilla

PAPER CORRECTION- Andha kanoon

EXAM TIME - Qayamat se qayamat tak

QUESTIONA PAPER - Paheli

ANSWER PAPER - Kora kagaz

MARKS- Asambhav

PAPER OUT - Plan

CHEATING- Aksar

LAST EXAM - Independence Day

RESULTS- Sadma

PASS = Chamatkar/ Ajooba

FAIL= Devdas

VACATION= Masti